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  “Same here, Mom, but I have plans for lunch. Maybe we can talk Lore into going with us next week.”

  “That would be nice, dear. So, tell me, are you meeting your new guy friend?”

  “Oh, good grief. Who told you?” I don’t need to know; I understand who the family snitch is.

  “Rose,” my mother admits, revealing a small smile behind her coffee cup.

  “Should have known.”

  “You know Rose, she will spill the beans faster than you can say fart,” my mom says so eloquently.

  “That is Rose,” I admit.

  “The image Rose painted with a knife as she tried to save you from what she thought was a serial killer made all of us roll, even your dad.” The mention of my dad brings upon such an anxiety, it makes me want to ignore any reference to that man. “So, is it serious?” my mom asks inquisitively.

  “I think it is, Mom.”

  “Well, I would love to meet him, honey.”

  “We will work toward that, is that all right? I don’t want to overwhelm him with our kind of crazy.”

  “Of course, honey.”

  “Thanks, Mom. Sorry I have been so evasive with you.”

  “It is okay. You and I just hit a hard patch, that is all. But can I ask if you are planning to ever talk to your dad again?”

  “Well, I guess I kind of have to, but I’d like to avoid it for now, if at all possible.”

  “He is your dad and regardless, he loves you very much.” I sigh, taking a sip of my own coffee. “You know, Justine, he has not always been like this. And a lot of it is my doing. Some issues are just for a husband and wife to work out. Your dad has made sacrifices in life you will never know about.”

  “I know, Mom,” I say these words, though I have no idea what my mother really means. I haven’t felt this love my mother is talking about as often as I would have liked in regards to my dad.

  As we drink our coffee, we catch up on all the gossip that I had been missing out on for the past month, getting information about Lucas and his current duty station. “I’d better run,” I half-apologize as I bend down to kiss her. “I love you, Mom.”

  As I leave my childhood home, I feel that at least one more relationship is set right in my life. It is a start of something new, just like what I am experiencing with Nick.

  The parking lot at the clinic is packed. This is good for business, I think. Walking in the door, I am immediately greeted by Emma.

  The office space is exactly what I would expect from Nick. It has large windows in the front, and the landscaping is maintained impeccably. Inside, the office is decorated with colored apothecary vases, vintage from the early 1900s and showcased in a rustic wooden medicine cabinet. The walls are adorned with old black and white photographs of animals framed in the same type of wood to accent the medicine cabinet.

  Emma is friendly, almost as if she is accepting our relationship. Taking me to his office, she smiles almost too much, not something I expect from Emma when she says, “Justine, if you don’t mind my saying, I have never seen my dad this happy in his life. I think I have you to thank for that.”

  “I feel the same way, Emma.” Before Emma and I can talk anymore, Nick pops his head in as she leaves.

  He walks right over to me and smiles, kissing me on the lips. “Hey, sweetheart, I am running a bit behind.”

  “I am all yours for the rest of the day,” I say.

  “I like that, wish I could blow off work.”

  “Me, too,” I echo.

  “Hey, how was your appointment?” he asks with a hint of anxiety.

  “It was good, just my yearly exam. My doctor is my mom’s best friend so that always makes it interesting.”

  “I swear, you know everyone.” He smiles. “So, nothing to be concerned about?”

  Even though we have gotten close quickly, I’m not going to discuss difficult menstrual cycles with him at this point in our relationship. “No,” I answer simply.

  “Okay, now that I know this is going somewhere, I need to take care of you. I never knew I needed someone in my life.” He looks straight into my eyes. “I will be back soon. I’m glad you’re here. Make yourself at home.”

  I grab my Sudoku book out of my purse and solve three puzzles in the time he finishes with his clients. Opening the door, he locks it behind him, quickly approaching me with a look of desire that amps up my heart. He places me on his desk, not saying a word. I am wearing a skirt and he works it up past my panties. Pulling them down, I think this may be a bad idea, yet no windows. He makes this feel like part of the chase. I may be rapidly approaching forty but I am not dead. Hell, my sexual nerves are awakened in this moment. I grab him but he looks up, shaking his head at me. “No, ma’am, this is all for you.”

  He stands me just enough that now my skirt and panties are pulled down while he employs his finger into my hole, working my clit the whole time. Bringing himself upright, he pulls me forward, kissing me with fervent desire. “I could take you right here, but I will keep my composure for now.” Nick’s eyes are transfixed on me and our connection is more than just physical as he displays how needy he is for me.

  What composure is he talking about since his finger is currently fucking me on his desk? And I love it. It takes only a minute and my climax hits me hard. Trying to keep quiet through one of the best orgasms to date, I clench my teeth and hold him tight. With stars in my eyes, I say, “Let’s skip the appetizer now, and go for the main course?”

  He holds on tight, not letting me go as we both enjoy this intimacy. “When you asked me out to lunch, this wasn’t what I had in mind.” I smile.

  “Nice, right?” He kisses my cheek, still tightly holding me. “So, tell me, where would you like to go for lunch?”

  I laugh at him. Two things are a constant in a man’s life: sex and food, and one was just accomplished and we are on track for the next. “I don’t care. You pick.” I need to be close to him. Granted, this is the honeymoon stage, but hell, this is what has been lacking in my life for so long.

  19

  Justine

  I am at my old house later in the day, waiting for the kids. I am not as anxious to see Rafe after listening to his message this morning that he left last night. He answers the door, sporting a humble look on his sometimes hard exterior. “Justine, I owe you a big apology for the way everything went down, both for taking the kids from you without discussing it and manipulating the situation yesterday.”

  Shocked by his statement, Rafe seldom admits when he is wrong, even if he screws up outrageously. Humility actually looks good on him.

  When I listened to the voicemail this morning concerning the blow up from last night, he laid out a plan in which I can respect. “Thanks for saying that, Rafe. You mentioned in your message that you took their cars away last night?”

  I can see now he’s finally performing the job of a father and not that of a friend. As we talk about everything from Rose’s sex life, that makes him horribly uncomfortable, to Kai’s extracurricular activities with pot, I am starting to forgive this man for the hurt he has caused me. I can only forgive the dad of my children this easily for the sake of our kids.

  Changing the subject after we dissected the plan to get my little devils back on track, Rafe says, “Lore is watching Margarite tonight so Hils and I can have some time alone. Can you pick her up after dinner when you bring the kids back home?”

  “I will get Margarite. Hils is good for you and those ass-hat kids of ours,” I mention with a slight smile. As the kids walk into the house, they both hurry to me, hugging me tight, evident that they can't wait to leave Hildy and Rafe. They don't say much until they are in the privacy of my car. I realize in the month since I have seen them, how much I truly missed these little jackasses of mine.

  “So, Mom, Nick? What is that all about?” Kai asks.

  “Well, stop being so vague, Kai, just ask your questions,” I state directly.

  “How long have you known him?”

  �
��A month...”

  “Really?” Rose asks.

  “Yes, it is a little bit different when you are older. You are past all that juvenile shit,” I say.

  Kai continues his questions. “Are you sleeping with him?”

  “Well, if it was any of your business, I would answer that.”

  “Mom, I am not judging you. I am just wondering how serious it is after such a short time.”

  “Rather,” I say quickly.

  “So, you are sleeping together then?” Rose concludes.

  I can’t even deny it if I wanted to. My relationship with the children is built completely different than when I was raised by my parents. If I am honest with them, they understand then that they can be honest in return. This is all I want with my own children—an open relationship. “Yes, we are.”

  “Mom,” Kai starts. “He seems like a good guy. If he is willing to stay after Rose almost killed him, he must be a keeper.”

  “Thanks, Kai, for saying that,” I snicker, looking at him in the rearview mirror, pulling onto my street.

  “Do we get to know him better?” Rose asks.

  “Yes, when you are ready.”

  “Mom, we just want you with someone who is not an ass. So, if Nick is that guy for you and you are serious, we would like to get to know him better,” Kai says very matter-of-factly.

  About ready to pull into my driveway, I see Nick is home from work. “We will talk about that when we get in the house.” As I give my keys to the kids for the house, I fumble in my purse for his spare key. “Get coffee going and I will go check on Nick. He shouldn’t be home this early.”

  I hear Kai say, “Well, it might be awhile if she is going over for a quickie.”

  I want to act surprised but I see a mirror image of myself.

  “Kai, I heard that.”

  “Feel free to take your time, Mom.”

  Unlocking the house, I say, “Nick, it’s Justine. I noticed you were home. Are you okay?”

  Walking into the house, I head toward his bedroom. “Nick, honey, are you here?”

  He grabs me around the waist the second I walk into his bedroom. “You called me a term of endearment. Did I hear that right?”

  I ignore his comment as I ask, “What are you doing home so early?”

  “I felt a migraine coming on. I came home and took a medicine that knocks me out. Wait, where are your kids?” he asks as he pulls me onto the bed. “How is it that you look ten times better than you did just a couple of hours ago?”

  “I get better as the day goes on.” And with that, I stand to curtsy.

  Pulling me back into an embrace, he says, “I would say you do.” He almost moans, kissing my neck.

  “The kids are next door but I was worried about you.” I feel his head for a temperature as if he is one of the kids when they are sick. Kissing him on the forehead, I say, “I will be over here tonight. Is that all right?”

  “I may be in bed because this medicine affects me, making me tired. But please crawl in next to me if I am asleep.” He looks up as I can literally see his mind working in overdrive. “You know, now that I think of it, it will make me feel better if you are naked.”

  “I can arrange that later,” I say with a wink. “What will you eat tonight?”

  “Not sure, maybe some soup. But I love that you are concerned about me.”

  “It is because I love you.”

  “Have a good time with your kids, sweetie.”

  I leave him in his bedroom, returning to my kids. As I enter my house, Kai says, “Even that was too quick for a quickie, Mom.”

  “Kai, I am not that kind of girl or mom.”

  “Is he going out with us?”

  “No, he has a migraine.”

  “Aw, that is why she didn’t have a quickie, Kai,” Rose teases as a way of making amends to me for all the crap she has put me through in the past several weeks.

  “You kids let me worry about my own sex life, why don’t you?” I playfully hit Rose on the arm as we laugh at one another. Wow, it just hits me how much I have fucking missed my kids.

  Settling on the couch with our coffees, Rose finally says, “Mom, we are sorry to have left like we did. We want to move back home because it’s easier having you mad at us than Hildy. She is a hard ass, tougher than you.”

  I take a deep breath, tapping my fingers in annoyance on my lap, as I am about to unleash my fury onto my beloved kids. “Here is the deal, kiddos. Your father thought it was a good idea to move in with him and you went along with it. The three of you made this decision without consulting anyone else. So, for this reason, you need to live with the consequences. Now, Hildy loves you all so much, more than you give her credit for. You could have gotten a real bitch as a stepmom.”

  “The universe was nice to us since our real mom claims to be the world’s biggest bitch,” Rose says.

  “Way to word that properly.” I laugh at my daughter’s carefully placed dialogue. “Bottom line, stop being assholes and maybe your father and I will ease off of you a bit. Be nice to Hildy, and for crying out loud, you need to help her with Margarite. She is your fucking sister.”

  “We know Mom is mad when the f-bomb comes out,” Kai muses.

  “Yes, I am mad. Let me address you both, individually. First, Rose, I am not going to forbid you from seeing Jones but if you insist on having sex, be careful and make sure he is respectful.”

  “Mom!” Kai begs. “I don’t want to have that image.”

  “Since you brought it up, Marijuana Man? Are you fucking stupid? You don’t have many good brain cells to begin with and you are going to fuck up what’s left? Really?”

  “Okay, we can get back to Rose having sex again. I don’t mind after all,” Kai sputters, going back on his protests.

  “The point being, you two screw-ups, is life gets harder. You don’t need these things pulling you down. I don’t expect you to be like me. You can be like Rafe, Kai,” I say, almost shivering at that statement. Hell, Rafe does have good qualities, when he isn't driving me bat shit crazy. “And, Rose, if you want to be like Hildy or Lore, they are good role models. Just don’t get stuck in a rut because you made some fucked up mistake in your teens. You are much better than that.”

  “Wow, Mom, we know you care when you say fuck four times in a row,” Rose muses.

  “Yes, I do care, too much, because I love you fuckups more than life itself,” I say, embracing them both. “And now that I have said my peace, let’s go get some dinner, but let me check on Nick.”

  I walk into the house and see him sitting on the couch with a warm compress attached to his head.

  “Hey, sweetie, do you want me to bring you soup home before we head to dinner?” I ask.

  “Actually, if you could, I need to get something in my stomach, maybe some soup.”

  I ask him what he wants and when I get his order straight, I say, “I felt like Joan Crawford with the kids a couple of minutes ago.”

  “Do you go crazy over wire hangers?” he asks, wincing in pain.

  “No, I get crazy over my kids being fuckups,” I say.

  “See, you could never be Joan Crawford then.”

  “I love you,” I say gently, kissing his head.

  “Lord, help me, I love you, too, sweetheart. Please call me my name, it will make me feel better.”

  “See you soon, ride-me-cowboy,” I tease as I open the door and see my kids standing there. Rose holds onto Kai for dear life as they both start to crack up hysterically. “Okay, you can laugh, but let me tell you that you heard that completely out of context.”

  “The car is locked, Mom,” Rose barely croaks through her laughter. “Hope you feel better, cowboy!” Rose yells as I shut the door.

  “Oh, get in the car, you smart ass.”

  “Mom, I may have nightmares from that, but I love seeing you so happy,” Kai interjects, putting his arm around me.

  After dropping soup off to Nick and enjoying dinner with my children, I drive toward Lo
relei’s to retrieve Margarite for Hils and Rafe. It is my hope he has worshipped his wife. Funny how the person I wanted—no, needed—to hate, I now adore.

  I wait for Rose to grab her sister, trying to avoid Ryan as per his wishes. However, he seems to have sought me out. Kai runs into his garage to retrieve a list of supplies he needs for the weekend. That has to be the reason Ryan knows I am here.

  “Justine, do you have a second?” he asks with an unexpected smile on his face, and it freaks me out that he is being nice.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “I told the kids to give us time until I came back. I just want to clear the air.”

  This is going to be more than just a quick chat and I exit the car to give this needed intervention its due. Breaking the tension between us, I say, “Damn, it is cold out here.” Looking at his face, he has an agenda, he has become serious. Yes, this is the Ryan I remember. “All right, we actually should have a little chat. You want to go first?” I say, leaning against my car, a little nervous that I may make things even harder for Lorelei.

  His face softens, and I see something in his eyes that he had when he approached Lore our first night in Seattle. It is reminiscent of a fond time in my life. He takes in a long breath, placing his right hand at the nape of his neck. Besides this tough conversation that I am about to take part in, I realize the stars are clear and the night sky is as calm as my one-time nemesis is, standing in front of me. “Tine, I think you have it in your mind that I don’t care for Lorelei or even love her because our relationship is so different than those you have had in your life,” he states plainly.

  “I don’t know if I would go that far, but you and Lore have a completely different relationship than I had with Rafe. My own preferences aside, I know you love your wife.”

  He looks away for a brief second, and I think he has a tear in his eye. “I don’t think you know how deeply I love Lorelei, Tine. I am not a cuddly, feely guy but I adore that woman with all I have. She takes good care of me, and I take her for granted sometimes—that I can admit. And yes, I do expect certain things from her, but she is very willing to please me because she loves me.”