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  It is my cue to leave. I have fought enough in my life with Rafe that I will avoid the ones with his current wife. I walk toward Nick who is still in the foyer and say, “We are leaving now.” Without another word, we shut the door behind us and make a beeline for his car.

  I think the most selfish but true thought: this is one way to get some alone time with Nick.

  Nick turns around to me. “I am not complaining, but what the hell was that about?”

  “Rafe’s being an ass. And it’s bad when Hildy swears in Swiss.”

  “I am taking you to Anthony’s at Spokane Falls,” he says, driving toward downtown. This is my favorite restaurant in all of Spokane, mainly for the view. Before I can even open it, he is opening the door for me. His smile gives me goose bumps and though this is a romantic gesture, I can’t help but think of making love to him again.

  Throughout dinner we talk about our day and he hangs on my every word. I can see it in the way he turns his ear toward me as the restaurant gets loud or watches my face intently as I become animated about something that has happened at work. His gaze is never very far from my face. He may look away for a brief second as he takes a bite but then he is focused on me again. Nervousness is not an emotion I feel with Nick, ever. There is a calmness that invades me when he is near, as if he sees the best in me, and with the confidence of Nick, I can do anything. As I finish my filet mignon, I accidentally drop my napkin in the aisle. Leaning down to grab it, I don’t look to my left and become blindsided by a man walking by our table as he trips over my back, and both of us tumble to the floor.

  Nick is immediately on his feet, helping me up as my only concern is for the man I tripped. Before I have a chance to say anything while Nick is scouring my body for bruises, the man lights into me. “What the fuck are you thinking, bitch?” Now, I certainly am at fault, but before I have a chance to defend myself, Nick has him by the collar of his shirt.

  “That is no way to speak to a lady. It was an accident and you will apologize to her for your words.”

  I immediately stand behind Nick. “Nick, hon, it was an accident.” Looking over at me, I acknowledge a flicker that I have never seen before.

  Releasing the man quickly after I break whatever trance Nick is in, the man pushes off of Nick, saying various swear words. Before I can say another word, Nick throws down a couple of hundred-dollar bills and we immediately leave the restaurant. The car ride home is quiet.

  The second we walk into his house, he reaches for my waist, bringing me close to him, taking his finger and tracing my lips. “Justine, I just wanted a romantic night with you.” I am not a mind reader but in his face, there is a fear I have never seen. Even when he talks about the loss of his parents, it never immolates into what I see now, prevalent on his face. He needs to be loved now, I can feel it and in an instant, he is unbuttoning my red blouse. I reach down to unbuckle the belt from his slacks. I don’t give him a chance to think because the urgency to be together is the only thing that is on our minds. “It would probably be more comfortable in my bed,” he says but I am not letting go. I go straight for his hard cock and stroke it, then take it fully in my mouth. Hearing his moans make me wet, needing him in me instantly. Before I can demand him to be inside of me, he leans me against his couch, expertly working my clit with his tongue. An orgasm takes over but I am not done. I am not by nature a patient person but right now I need him inside of me because I want him to know what I witnessed earlier doesn’t matter to me. Laying down on the couch, I don't say a word as I place his erection at my opening and he pushes in without hesitation. We are built for one another. “Fuck, Nick, this feels amazing.”

  “Did I make you this wet?” he asks, increasing the pace as he kisses me.

  “Yes.” I say breathlessly. “Hell, you always make me wet the second you walk in the room,” I say, seeing the heat flash in his eyes. I have sparked something in him and his already quick pace becomes a need as he thrusts into me harder. I can’t complain, I am about to be pushed to my point and all I can do is yell his name when the orgasm overtakes me.

  We move into the bedroom, making love two more times. I can never get enough of him. Afterward, he cups my breasts in his hands. “You are perfect. You are the one I have been waiting for my whole life. I think you are the one I will marry someday, and I hope that doesn’t scare you.”

  “After what we’ve shared, with this connection both physically and emotionally, I feel it, too,” I say, kissing him, tasting me on his tongue, knowing he is tasting himself, too. It is passionate, not rough, but loving and deep; everything I never knew I needed.

  17

  Nick

  We lay as close to one another as we can get and she still has not addressed what happened tonight. We are skin to skin. This is natural with her. “Do you want to talk about what was going through your mind tonight?” Justine asks in a neutral tone as she leans up on her elbows. All night I have been in fear that I messed this up. It is what I talked to Annie about the night I realized Justine was different.

  Without blinking an eye, I start to speak, but the words do not really form at first. I am ashamed. How can I share this part of my life with her? It is so quiet I can hear my breath quicken because this is one of the hardest realizations when I know I have to come clean. “I have a temper, but you will not see it often because it is really unattractive.”

  All I can think of is a horrible situation that was the beginning of me realizing how my temper was indeed hideous. I begin to share a story with her that I have never said aloud before. “I was home from college, excited to see Annie and Emma. I wasn’t going to attend a university my freshman year but Lois and Lyle almost demanded that I take this opportunity. I received a full ride from Sacramento State. I wasn’t happy about being so far away from my daughter and girlfriend but this was the one way I knew I could provide a future for Ems.” I stop and see her intently watching me. My remembered shame of this event has to be present in my tone but I continue. “The eight-hour car ride was tough on the weekends. After taking a load that was too strenuous, I was fucking over the moon to see my girls. Annie would be attending college the next year with me and we had an apartment secured for the three of us for this reason. She experienced such a high level of postpartum depression, starting school with a three-month-old was not a great idea. As I pulled up, I saw an old boyfriend of Annie’s in the driveway, holding my daughter. I never liked Steve Lewis as he always found ways of popping up in Annie’s life when I wasn’t around to protect her. Her emotions were all over the place since having Emma and I didn’t want him manipulating her. Getting out of the car, I aggressively walked toward Annie and Steve. She quickly took Emma from him but the damage was done and I completely lost it, throwing him against the car. Before I could do anymore damage, Lyle peeled me off of Steve only after I told him never to come near my fucking family again.”

  “Okay,” she says confidently with no trace of fear in her voice. “I can’t see that in you at all.” She doubts me. “Never in my wildest imagination can I see you with a temper. You are gentle and sweet and loving.”

  “It is a deep-rooted anger that materialized shortly after losing my parents. Annette and her sweet parents have been on the receiving end. I mean, I have gotten violent but more so, I lose all sense of reality and I lash out. Her parents made me see a therapist.” Justine has to see the humiliation forming in my eyes.

  “Well, how can I avoid this temper of yours?” she asks and I see her almost relieved that I have a fault. Though, she has no idea how big this fault actually is.

  “Don’t be unkind to kids, animals, or women. Don’t cheat on me. Be nice to my daughter, well, as nice as you can be,” I say seriously. “And if someone ever hurts you, like tonight, you will see it.”

  “All right, that seems easy enough. I don’t think after what you just did to me, I would ever want to stray anyway,” she says.

  I feel the pain in my eyes at having to share more with her. “No, honey
, I don’t think you really get it. I mean, if I lose it, it’s bad,” I admit.

  “Okay, so I will try not to set it off. We are all prone. It’s all right. We all have tempers.”

  Revealing a part of myself that is this cruel is draining. Though I don’t think she truly understands the underlying issues of my anger, I say, “Justine, sweetheart, I am really sorry about tonight.”

  I whisper, kissing her as I work my hand down to her panty line. Looking at her, tired after making love to her three times, I can’t help but be turned on, feeling her bare ass where her underwear should be. “I love that you wear so very little to bed.” I know I should try to make her understand because it could have been much worse tonight but I can’t. Instead, I continue on the subject of her nakedness in bed.

  “I think I might just start sleeping naked,” she replies, raising her eyebrows to me. “Just so you know, that is my come-hither look,” she teases. The need for her tonight is real; it is not just physical but the emotional connection makes me think that I may just become the man she needs me to be and the demons that control my temper may be tamed by her touch.

  “Ah, Justine, you are a keeper.” I suddenly am no longer tired and work my hands in and out of her folds, making her writhe. Just then, her phone rings.

  “You should get that,” I say.

  “Hell, no. I will be dammed if this is going to ruin my night. All the drama with my kids and Rafe will be here tomorrow when I open my eyes. Just like you, I am ready for round two or in our case, I guess, round four. Now get those hands back to what they were doing!”

  “Oh, I sure like you being bossy,” I roar, smacking her ass as I pull her on top of me.

  18

  Justine

  Nick’s alarm wakes me at six-thirty and I hear him thump the off button with a bang of his hand. “Wake up, sleepy head,” I barely say, trying to fall back to sleep.

  “Good morning, gorgeous. I love waking up next to you.” He gazes into my eyes, never breaking our connection. Now my eyes are fully open. Nick in the morning, with his morning stubble, heightens my desire. The dark hair highlights the mocha in his eyes, and I am transported back to last night when he was in me.

  “Will you be offended if I stay here and fall back to sleep after you leave?” I ask finally.

  “No, not at all, sweetheart. Do you mind me calling you that?”

  “I love it.” I wish I would have thought of a better response. “I’m not one for pet names, but I will try to find something just for you. I want something for the bedroom, something that’s just for us.” My tone is elevated, and my eyebrows raise as I see his reaction; one I am hoping for.

  “Really, that is hot! I can think of some great words for me in bed.” He smiles slyly.

  “No, let me come up with it on my own. If you were to help, it would be something like stud muffin or ride-me-cowboy.”

  “Those are good names! I could answer to those for sure,” he says, crawling up close to me, giving me a kiss. “I really like ride-me-cowboy.”

  We laugh so hard our sides hurt. “Good lord, where have you been my whole life? Not only are you sexy and good in bed, but you are downright hilarious and those are just a few of your wonderful attributes,” he compliments.

  He leans in, giving me a goodbye kiss. “I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you, too, ride-me-cowboy!”

  I have a hatred for doctors, even if it is with one of my favorite people in the world. That is why I put this appointment off as long as I could. “Good morning, Justine.” The woman who stands in front of me is more than just my doctor. She delivered me along with both Kai and Rose. Gladys is my mom’s lifelong friend, and as she enters the room, I give her a hug and kiss.

  “Gladys, it is good to see you.” She has always been a good friend to my mom, and if I miss anymore of her appointments, HIPPA laws or not, Gladys will tell my mother.

  “You are looking good, Justine! How are the kids?” she asks, standing in front of me on the exam table, my body wrapped in that stupid ass sheet gown.

  “Pains in my ass.”

  “So, they are normal kids,” Gladys jests.

  “Well, more so than usual. They moved in with Rafe,” I laugh, getting used to saying it. It hurts, but not as much.

  “And you seem almost happy about it?” I only nod yes. “Any issues I should be aware of?”

  “These dang periods are bad. They are almost as big of a pain as those kids of mine.”

  “Sexually active?”

  “Yes,” I say confidently.

  “Well, good for you; looks as if you’d had a dry spell the last couple years. Is it serious?” I love Gladys and her candor. Being more like Gladys than my own mother, we have always shared a connection that bonds us.

  “I think it is,” I admit.

  “Wow, I have to say, I didn’t think you had it in you to go through another relationship. Anyone I know?”

  I explain this situation, throwing in the fact he is a vet, something I secretly love about him.

  “Wallace and Hunter Vets?”

  “Yes,” I answer carefully.

  “I met his son-in-law and daughter last week. Nice people! Poppy, our golden retriever, goes there. I haven’t met him yet but I saw his picture. Good looking fellow.”

  “I think so, too,” I say.

  “Still not talking to your mom?”

  “Not really, Gladys.”

  “Well, kid,” she places both hands on her hips, “I think your dad is an ass, too, but it’s not for us to say. But remember, I have known your parents most of my life. Your dad wasn’t always like that, but ultimately it’s her decision and, kid, I hate to break it to you, you don’t know everything.”

  This surprises me, what Gladys has divulged. “I know, Gladys,” I say even though I have no idea what she really means, but I file it away for later use.

  “Okay, put your legs in these stirrups and scoot your ass down. Let’s take a look. You are thirty-nine, right? So, your periods are still pretty painful?”

  I sigh because my periods are the bane of my existence. “Yes, oh my lord, they are so bad.” I take in a deep breath as Gladys inserts the speculum. “Fuck, Gladys, that hurts.”

  “Justine, I really think we need to talk hysterectomy. I know that is not what you want, but your clots are as big as pancakes and you go through a tampon an hour, right?” Gladys asks.

  I can’t help but crack up at Gladys. “Thanks, Gladys, I won’t ever look at pancakes the same way again.” She adjusts the speculum and it makes me gasp. “Yes, that is right about the tampons and I miss work, normally for a day or two.”

  “You aren’t planning on more kids, are you? You have your tubes tied, and your baby days are over. What are you afraid of? A hysterectomy will change your life, honey.”

  “It’s a major surgery. If I can get through the next few years, I’ll rethink this. You know, with every surgery I have ever had, I got really bad staph infections.”

  “I am going to tell you, your paps are always good, but there is no reason to keep your women bits anymore.” Gladys and her terms always put a smile on my face. “The second you show pre-cancerous cells, I am going to insist on it. You know I love you like you are my own daughter. And by the way, the sex will be just as good.” Gladys does not hold back any punches. “And, kid, cut your mama some slack. Enjoy your new fellow. Have fun, have good sex! You know what they say, your forties do deliver your best orgasms ever.”

  “Well, it has delivered pretty well presently, too, Gladys.”

  “Just wait, it gets even better. The orgasms will be longer. You will be in sex heaven.” If I know Gladys, and I do, she is talking from experience.

  Most people would wince at these types of conversations with their OBGYN, not to mention their mom’s best friend. But it is different with Gladys. She is easy to talk to, someone who always shoots straight with me.

  After cleaning up and leaving the office, it seems too early to he
ad to lunch with Nick. Taking Gladys’s advice, I drive toward my parents’ house, getting lost in the memories that cloud my childhood. Most involve Lore, some include my kid brother Lucas and there are a few bad memories that radiate around my father.

  I pull into my parents’ long driveway that leads to the large back deck that everyone comes and leaves from. It is chilly but the sun is offering a little relief to the coming winter that is going to hit the city of Spokane soon. Thankful to see my dad’s truck gone, I breathe a sigh of relief that it is only my mom’s car in the drive. As I knock on the back door, my mom looks up when she realizes it is me, and starts smiling from ear to ear.

  “Justine! Hey, sweetie, it’s good to see you.” She leans over, giving me a peck on the cheek. “What brings you by today?”

  “Well, Mom, I thought I owed you an apology,” I say almost painfully.

  “You kind of do, my girl. Thank you for that. I have missed you. Now, get out of this cold and have a cup of coffee with me,” she beckons. “Do you want to go to the mall with me and get some lunch? I have some last-minute shopping to do. I can’t believe it’s almost Thanksgiving and I don’t have my Christmas shopping done yet.” Again, the Christmas gene that bit us, came naturally from Marcia Staudle. I have to admit, I always enjoy Christmas more when my shopping is behind me, wrapping is complete and Christmas cards are mailed before the official start of the season. We settle down at the breakfast nook as the coffee is warming my insides.