Unfiltered Page 8

  “I worked hard last night.” Winking at me, she adds, “I do love butter.” Before I can say anything else, she continues, “You know this thing with Rafe has nothing to do with you. I remember when he started dating Hildy. I saw this totally young lady with energy and a love for my children. I was jealous, not because of Rafe, but because I was afraid my kids would love her more. They were much younger and I feared they would bond with her. I found out that it didn’t change their love and need for me. Hildy is maternal in every way I am not, and it concerned me, but now she is the best thing when it comes to my kids. I would call her a good friend and an ally. So, understand this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a guy taking over his place.”

  Talking about her ex-husband is really the last thing I want to do this morning. Quickly changing the subject, I look at her with pleasure as she enjoys her breakfast. “You know, I like seeing you eat my food. I love cooking specifically for you.”

  “I will always eat your cooking. You may have a fat girlfriend on your hands if you keep feeding me like this, though.” She laughs.

  “Maybe you should hold off on half of the butter then, sweetheart. I am not concerned about a fat girlfriend but one that will keel over of a heart attack.”

  Justine smiles at me. “But it tastes so good!” Moving onto the hash browns, she asks, “Does that make sense about Rafe?” I can’t seem to escape this conversation no matter how hard I try to change the subject.

  Facing the conversation head on, I finally say, “Yes, it does make sense about Rafe; however, I have a completely different relationship with Annette’s husband because Annie and I were never married.” I realize by the look on Justine’s face that she understands. Talking about Annie seems just as hard for Justine as it has been for me to internalize this meeting tonight with her ex-husband. “I am not going anywhere, and I am pretty easy-going because I do understand. And I look forward to getting to know your kids better. Speaking of getting to know you, can I set something up with Emma and Tyler?”

  “Next weekend will expose you to how rough my weekend shifts are. You will want to avoid me. I get overtired, and I am not fun to be around.”

  “You are pretty easy to spend time with.” I smile at her, grabbing her hand and giving it a kiss.

  “You won’t think that for too long.”

  I gradually sidle over her, removing the tray, sitting near her in the corner. I lean into her with my arms wrapped around her slender body. “Why do you say that? For someone as confident as you, you are pretty hard on yourself. Sure, we will piss each other off from time to time—people that are close tend to do that. But I love you and I am not going anywhere. I can’t believe less than four weeks ago I was just pulling into the town, a bit sad to leave everything behind. You are worth all of the sacrifices I have made, and anyway, I have a feeling I will always know where I stand with you.”

  “That is true. I am so good at pushing people away when they can’t handle me.”

  “I am a pro at handling difficult women,” I insist.

  “Oh, you are?” she probes, suggestively feeling up my thigh.

  “I wish I could spend the whole day with you. . .and I am not talking about sex, even though that’s great. More than great.” Winking at her again, I give her a genuine smile, one she knows even this early on is full of compassion. “I am talking about just you, like this.” I study her intently, watching every face she makes and the way her eyes sparkle in this light. Finally, I break my stare and ask, “What are you doing today?”

  I take in everything as Justine shares her day with me. I listen to her as she explains the complex relationship between her and Lorelei’s husband.

  “Ah, that is why you were so upset the night you and Lore made amends. Again, you were doing the best you could with the information you were provided.” I lean down to comfort her. “So, you and Lore are not related?” I ask, always amused by learning more about those that are dear to Justine’s heart.

  “Not by blood, but in every way that matters. My parents consider her their child after social services took her from her parents.” My brow furrows at what she insinuates when Justine replies, “Lore’s dad is a bad man, in the worst way a dad can be.” As a father, I know she isn’t saying the horrible words, yet I understand she means molestation.

  My heart sinks and all I can muster is, “When you are an orphan like I was at an early age, it fucking pisses me off to know that parents can do such awful things to their children.” I stop, knowing I wasn’t quite ready to open up about the loss of my parents. “I’m glad that Lorelei is back in your life.”

  “Me, too. As bad as my dad is, he would never stoop to that level.” She changes her tone quickly. “So, I guess I need to stop spouting off what an ass Ryan is since he has always protected Lore from her parents, and he is wonderful to my kids.”

  “It’d be a sweet gesture to stop calling your best friend’s husband an ass,” I say with a small smile. “Anyway, what will happen if she doesn’t like me?” It concerns me since this woman is one of the most important people in her life.

  “Oh, I highly doubt that. You are rather likable.” Justine’s eyes are locked on mine as if she is studying me deeply. “You know, when you want to talk about your parents, I am here to listen.”

  “I know, honey, and I appreciate it. I promise, one day.” She grabs my whole body, bringing me toward her as a way to persuade me with what I think could be a morning quickie. Looking at the time, I frown. “You don’t know how much I would rather stay with you, but I really have to go,” I say, giving her a long and tender kiss. “All right, sweetheart, I better get going. I hate to leave you. Have fun today. I will see you tonight. I love you.”

  As I walk toward the door, I turn around and ask, “Does that scare you?” She has not returned these words to me and seems in deep thought over this exchange.

  When she stands to approach me, I see her face relax. “No, not at all. For once I am not scared. I am actually very happy. I am not insecure in what this is at all. It’s hard to believe that this is love, but it is. I never realized how lonely I was. I really was until you,” she says with a whisper. It is evident to me that this is new to Justine. “In a long-winded way, I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you, too.”

  Kissing her one last time, I say, “I am taking you out for dinner tonight. Ask Rafe if we can stop by his house on the way.” As I am leaving, I forget one thing. “There is a key for you on the table for my house. Come and go as you please, if you ever need a cup of sugar or want to surprise me naked in my bed.” I wink and turn back toward the door.

  16

  Justine

  I pull into Lorelei’s driveway, walking over to the porch and grabbing Madeline’s car seat. Lorelei mentioned that she has dinner in the Crock-Pot, ready for Ryan when he arrives home. It drives me crazy how she dotes on Ryan as if he can't take care of himself for one night. He has never done any housework or even changed a diaper. Lorelei would claim, “This is why I stay at home—so I can do all of this. He works too hard to worry about the domestic side of things. He takes care of the yard, cars, and bringing in money. That is enough for him. I can do the rest, and I love all of it anyway.”

  After I secure Madeline’s car seat, I watch how effortless Lorelei handles her little girl. She is a natural nurturer. Just as the sun knows its job is to shine down on all of us, Lorelei Dean was born to be a mother. I have no doubt that Lorelei enjoys her maternal ways, and it works for her in their marriage. That is not the case with other people, and Ryan turns his nose up at those who are not like Lorelei and he. It seems as if the women’s liberation movement has shifted back fifty years when I walk into their house, so it actually bodes well for Ryan and I to be separate.

  I can’t wait to get my hands on that fat baby of hers and about fling Madeline out of Lore’s arms. “I got the car seat in for you, Lore. Where should we go?” I stand in front of the car, sucking in the sweet smell of this ba
by as Lore puts her hands on her hips, lifting her eyebrows.

  “No, you are not getting off that easy, Tine. I want details,” she says, leaning against my car.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask coyly but I know what she wants.

  “Your guy friend, the good doctor, what’s going on with him? You look amazing, and I know what that means, Miss Justine Hernandez.”

  “Oh, great sex will do that to you.” Now, there is only one person in the world that I can be this blunt with and it is Lorelei.

  Thinking a lecture is in my future by my prudish friend, I am surprised when Lore says, “Well, good for you. Sex, is that all this is, though?”

  “I know you are going to think I’m crazy and this is not like me, but I’m in love. It’s not just the sex. He gets me. I have shared more with him in four weeks than I have probably with you in my whole life.” I am a private person and Lorelei understands this. She has to pry things from me most days.

  “That is pretty deep coming from you, Miss Closed-up Cathy!” That is one of the many nicknames Lorelei calls me when I am being secretive. When I decided to leave Rafe and buy my own house, I didn’t even share this with Lorelei.

  “I know. Nick is great. He is okay with the bitch of a person I am. He said he will always know where he stands in our relationship.”

  “Well, isn’t that the truth,” Lore says, jabbing at me a bit. “By the way, you have to know that Ryan stuck up for you when Rafe wanted to raise hell about Rose being exposed to Nick.”

  “Really?” I ask, getting out of the way, thinking lightning may strike.

  “You know, Justine, my husband is rational.” Reaching for Madeline’s pacifier as she starts to fuss in my arms, Lorelei continues, “He knows you are a good mother and that you would never put the kids in harm’s way. Plus, they moved out on their own accord. It’s ridiculous that they thought they could just pop back in the house at their discretion. He told Rafe to get a sense of humor and laugh over the whole thing.”

  I am surprised by this revelation, but I see Lore has more to say and I ask, “Does Ryan have a brain tumor?” Lore swats my arm playfully, taking Madeline from my hands. I guess miracles do exist.

  The thought of Nick makes my entire body quake with the need to feel him inside of me again. I love sex; I love it more than any woman I’ve ever known, but this is more than just a fuck.

  He is taking me to dinner tonight. Being that he is such a homebody, I know this is a big deal. We go out seldom, yet tonight he says he wants to celebrate. All he has told me is dress nice and when I notice he brought a change of clothes over this morning for himself before he left for work, I am able to surmise he is taking me somewhere very nice. I raid my closet and come across a pair of Louboutins that I bought on a whim a couple years ago. I never get a chance to don these beautiful shoes and tonight is just the night. As I look at my reflection, I am pleased with my wavy hair as I pull it into an up-do, selecting large silver earrings to go with the elegant red silk blouse and my favorite gray pencil skirt.

  I groan at the idea of the pit stop we have to make. Too bad we have to stop by fucking Rafe and Hildy’s tonight since Rafe has his panties in a fucking bunch. Curling up on the couch waiting for Nick, I must drift off to sleep until I hear him walk into the house later than normal.

  I instantly see tears in his eyes as my breath quickens. Bracing myself for the worst news, he sighs as he wipes his eyes. “I am okay. I lost a seemingly healthy dog on the operating table today. I still see the image of the little boy crying for his best friend. Give me a minute and I will be ready to go.”

  Less than ten minutes later, he is changed and ready to go. He holds me tight as I take him in, both dressed to the hilt and vulnerable at the loss of someone’s treasured family member. This is a real man who loves his patients. He pulls away from me, but he’s still holding onto my waist. “Sorry about that. I am not a good vet in the sense that I can’t separate myself from the loss. When they die so young, I just can’t help it.”

  “I think it’s kind that you grieve with your patients. Don’t ever be ashamed of that,” I say, hoping to give him the same comfort he has given me on many occasions.

  Suddenly, he focuses his attention back on me. “I missed you today. Did you have fun with Lorelei?” It’s his nature to think of me first, even when he is heartbroken.

  “I did. Most of my Christmas shopping is done. My mom has this rule that all presents are bought and wrapped before Thanksgiving.” Displaying a wide grin, he only shakes his head.

  He stands back to look fully at me for just a moment. “You look good enough to eat. Maybe we should just stay at home.”

  “Good try, mister, but you are taking me out. I look too good to sit in tonight. But first, let’s get this shit show over with,” I say, speaking of the stop at Rafe’s house.

  As we grab our coats and walk to the car, I am now accustomed to him opening the door for me. Once we start driving toward Rafe’s, he touches my knee. “Justine, I want to spend the night with you like we did last night. I need you. Hell, if I am being honest; good or bad day, I will make love to you every night, Justine.” My face flushes because he stirs the feeling in me that I am indeed lovable.

  He continues, “You want to come and have lunch with me tomorrow? I can show you around.” I see him swelling with pride at the idea of showing me his new office.

  “I would love to. I have a doctor’s appointment at nine so I will be there around noon,” I say casually, trying to avoid the questions that certainly will come from him.

  “You okay?” he asks, concerned.

  “Just my yearly physical,” I say and leave it at that.

  As we approach my old house, I find an irritating scratch I rub raw. This is the house we began to raise a family in and regardless of the situation, my anxiety is on the rise whenever I enter it. Hils, like the born hostess she is, is at the door ready to greet us. “Wow, look at you, Justine. You look sexy,” Hildy teases.

  The second we walk into the foyer, Rafe tries to cut the tension by saying, “I do have to say that I am glad my daughter didn’t stab you the other day. She is prone to dramatics at times.” I stifle a laugh at the irony of Rafe’s statement since Rose came by her drama queen status genetically through him.

  “I hope we can all laugh at that now,” Nick says. “I wasn’t thinking when I invited them over for breakfast. If I crossed the line, I’m sorry. I just felt like any attempted murder could be solved with breakfast burritos.” We laugh at his little icebreaker but Nick continues, “No, seriously, I am a dad, too, and if the tables were reversed...”

  “All water under the bridge, Nick,” Rafe assures him.

  “Well, what can we get you to drink?” Rafe asks as we both shake our heads no.

  I look at Hildy as she is drinking water and she shrugs. “I can’t drink, honey.”

  “Why not? You always drink.” I am shocked. I think Hils drinks more than me, if that is possible.

  “Well, I can’t for nine months,” Hildy says with more of a grimace than a grin.

  I sit still without a word to say. Hildy certainly is young at twenty-nine, however Rafe is nearing forty this year and the idea of him adding more children to the mix exhausts me. Without thinking I look at Rafe and laugh. “You are too old to be bringing kids into this world. The thought fucking drains me.” I turn to Hils and laugh. “At least you are still a spring chicken.” They should not be shocked that I shoot straight but before they can say anything, I grin, knowing Hildy, like Lorelei, is made for motherhood. “Congratulations, seriously. This is exciting!”

  “Thanks, honey, I just found out,” Hildy says as I give her a little hug.

  Taking a look at Rafe, I can see the good man he can be when he isn’t pissing me off, causing me to throw vases just left of his face. His entire body looks tired and then my heart softens toward him.

  “Thanks, Justine. Sorry for being such an ass yesterday,” Rafe says as he flashes me an �
��I am sorry’ smile that is just like the way I remember when we were married.

  “Like you said, water under the bridge. Anyway, I am used to you acting like an ass.” I laugh, not entirely joking, though I secretly love that he admits he was wrong. This almost never happened in our marriage and when he did apologize I felt like it was a little victory in our sometimes strained relationship.

  “Can I talk to you in private for a second?” Rafe asks, looking at me, and my softened heart toward my ex-husband disappears.

  “Sure,” I say as we walk into the kitchen away from the others, knowing what this little talk entails.

  “You were right. Hildy is getting the brunt of the attitude from the kids, and now that she is pregnant I think it is best that the kids go back home.”

  This is the same type of manipulation he used on me throughout our marriage. I poke my head in the dining room. “Hils, can you come in here for a second?” I ask, leaving Nick alone in the entry of my old house.

  “What the hell, Justine?” Rafe chides.

  “You are not manipulating me. You wanted this and you got it. Now, it’s tough and you are ready to hand it back to me. Let me hear it from Hildy. If this is what she wants, then by all means yes, Hildy’s health is the utmost importance.”

  “Hey, what’s up?” Hils asks, as if she is a deer in headlights looking from Rafe to me.

  “Should the kids come back here now that you are pregnant?” I ask directly as Hildy quickly twists her mouth and what resonates on her face is a soured expression.

  Continuing to stare her husband down, she swears in her native language then moves to English in order for her husband to understand her. “I can’t believe you, and you used my pregnancy as a way to shove the kids back to Justine. You son of a bitch. I warned you about this, and you made the decision on your own to move the kids in with us anyway, knowing I didn’t agree with you. But they are here now and it is more work than you know what to do with. I can’t even leave them home with Margarite to run to the store. It takes time; this is not a simple fix and I told you this.”