Unfiltered Page 5

  “I think we will stop closer to the house. I am in no frame of mind to go into the store right now.” Nick chuckles.

  “What?” I ask and then look down. “Oh, I see.”

  “So, don’t think this is easy for me,” he says.

  “No, not at all. I actually would say it is downright hard for you right now.” At my cheesy joke, laughter bubbles out of me and within seconds, Nick joins in.

  “Oh, what will I do with you?” he asks.

  “Isn’t that a loaded question,” I tease.

  7

  Nick

  Besides the love of my daughter, loneliness has been the one equalizer in my life. I never thought I’d find a woman that would be worth giving up my freedom for. I also know I’d have to bare my soul to anyone I see a future with but no one has hit the mark yet. Going deep with the struggles that plague me would mean a special lady has won my heart, and so far, no one has. Though, Justine may just be the lady, if she can accept my major shortcoming. Here is Justine, and I can see myself loving her profoundly. More so, I know she deserves to be loved in a wonderful way.

  After my declaration that sex is off the table for the time being, I feel the tension slide from Justine’s shoulders. During dinner, we continue to talk and afterward we fool around. At times, I think temptation might get the best of us, stopping just shy of too far.

  The tenderness someone with Justine’s ironclad exterior radiates surprises me. When I briefly bring up the death of my parents, Justine holds my hand and cries for me. As I look at her in surprise, she laughs it off, saying, “I may be a bitch, but I have a heart.”

  But she isn’t a bitch, I don’t see her in this way. Sure, she is one who won’t let some fool take advantage of her, but in the tears that she sheds for me, I see the deeper side of Justine Hernandez. She grabs my hand, kissing it gently. Now with a serious tone as her eyes lock with mine, Justine says, “Nick, I am so sorry. I can’t begin to tell you how much I hurt for you.” In this moment, I think she grabs my heart. Pulling me into an embrace, she holds me tight. I surely don’t want her to let go.

  When she leaves, I want to kick myself for allowing her to sleep alone tonight. As I lie in bed, I smell her on my sheets and it makes me dizzy with excitement. The need to feel her next to me rocks my every cell.

  I let go of the idea of sex early on with Justine because I don’t want just one and done. I need to be rooted into her heart before we introduce sex into the mix. Justine is not a person who shares easily, and I want to clear this hurdle before sex.

  I pick up my phone to text her but a text comes through to me first.

  Justine: Miss me?

  Earlier this morning, I’d hoped to have the alluring Justine Hernandez in my bed. It could have happened, and I am the stupid idiot who let it play out this way. Being good isn’t always easy.

  Me: I do.

  Justine: I do, too, Nick Wallace. But thanks. I know why you did that and it was pretty honorable, though I am horny as hell.

  Me: You are a hell of a woman. I look forward to getting to know you better.

  The funny thing is that Justine is the most extraordinary woman I’ve ever met.

  Taking to my porch with a glass of whisky since her smell is intoxicating on my sheets, my thoughts start to form around divine interactions and how all my decisions have led to this moment. It was my dream to be a vet and when Emma came along, most people thought my life was over. But I provided for my baby and finished school, college, and grad school to become the person my parents would be proud of.

  Looking at the time, I am in need of some perspective, and there is only one person who is always able to provide me with just that. I grab my phone and dial the number, knowing she will still be awake.

  “Nicolas, how is the cold ass weather up in Washington treating you, and how is our daughter?” a familiar voice on the other end asks.

  “Annie, is Kent okay with me calling this late?” I ask, always wanting to be respectful of Annette’s husband. Kent knew that when he married Annette, she was a package deal complete with a six-year-old and an old boyfriend. At first, I could sense the dread Kent undoubtedly felt whenever I showed up and hugged Annette. However, after nearly twenty years, Kent is more than secure in his marriage and thinks of me as part of the family.

  “You know he is. What’s up? Surely, you’re in need of a listening ear or you wouldn't be calling this late.” Her voice always calms me in the sister-I-never-had sort of way.

  After I explain the immediate chemistry, Annette sighs, finally able to articulate her words. “You really have it bad, Nicolas. I don’t think I have ever heard you like this before.”

  Annie is the one person I can share anything with. “The thing is, Ann, she is a fire cracker on the outside, but fragile on the inside. She is not one to open up, yet she has let me in on intimate details of her life. My heart stutters when she is near, and her scent is sweet, like honeysuckle.”

  “What are you afraid of, Nicolas?” Annie asks bluntly.

  “Ann, you know what I am fearful of. You have seen it, too. It takes on its own form. She is special and is hurting after a difficult divorce.”

  I hear her take in a deep breath. “Nicolas, that isn’t the only reason we didn’t work out. We had a lot against us. Being so young and pregnant was what did it in for us. After Emma, we had no time for one another.”

  “I know, but my problem didn’t help.”

  “And you are a better man. You dealt with your demons head on.” She tries to reassure me, but I hold onto this fear in the same crippling way it has destroyed me in the past.

  “Let go, Nicolas. You deserve happiness.”

  Her words may be true, but they don’t sink in.

  I set aside the plague that has taken me years to overcome. After I put it out of my mind, just for tonight, my mind finally drifts to the beautiful blond next door.

  8

  Justine

  My phone rings early in the morning and I smile when I see Nick’s number, which he programmed into my phone last night, appear on the screen.

  “What are you doing?” Nick asks.

  As I think of what to say, I chuckle when I reply, “I am just sitting here being awesome.”

  “You are certainly confident.” From the deep laughter in his voice, I figure he finds my over buoyancy even sexier. “Did I wake you?”

  “No, I was just lying here, thinking how nice it will be to take a shower in my own house.”

  “You can still come over and take one with me anytime you’d like,” he replies.

  “I wouldn’t want to tempt you,” I mock.

  “You are funny.” Nick laughs then continues, “By the way, how did you sleep last night?”

  “Pretty sound, I think I was just so tired and stuffed after your wonderful dinner. You’re going to spoil me.”

  “That’s the plan. You deserve to be pampered.”

  I love the way he says this. I sure as fuck won’t argue with that for a second.

  “I am not a great cook but why don’t you come over and have a cup of coffee with me? You haven’t been in my house yet.”

  After a mere three days in Nick Wallace’s world, my heart flutters at the thought of him near me. Bouncing on my toes, I wait for him at the front door, happy to have already brushed my teeth as I plan to throw myself at him.

  Hearing him walk up my porch steps, I swing open the door and his eyes and arms invite me into an intimate hug.

  “I missed you. I really thought I’d be waking up with you by my side this morning, and I was kicking myself for growing a conscience overnight.”

  “Well, you said let’s take some time. So that’s what we are doing,” I state with a sarcastic hint of annoyance. This man is sexy as fuck, and I won’t deny that I was a little disappointed I didn’t wake up with him next to me.

  Nick follows me to the kitchen, close on my heels.

  “So, this is you.” Looking around my house and furnishings, he fin
ally says, “It’s very feminine but if I had to coin a style name, I would call it shabby chic meets minimalist modern.”

  “That’s a very good description of my taste, Mr. Susie Homemaker,” I call over my shoulder, grabbing the coffee from the cabinet above me. I’m finding he is particular in his ways, from the way he drinks his coffee to his immaculate house and now his home décor observations. It is these little quirks that make him sexier, if it is even possible. Turning around, I find myself face to face with him, wanting to know how he takes his coffee. This is paramount in any relationship, though I love this proximity to him. “You want cream?”

  “No, but I will take some whisky if you have it,” he replies, winking.

  “Sure thing.” Grabbing him a bottle of Crown, I say, “You sure like your whisky, don’t you?”

  “I’m going to have to get you up to speed on all the wonderful types.”

  I grin at him. “I’ll admit I am not up on all my whisky.”

  “Well, this will do, but I am sort of a whisky snob,” Nick says, looking at my Canadian whisky.

  “Okay, you can be the master and I will be the student,” I suggest coyly.

  “Wait, are we still talking about whisky?” he says with a smirk. After I put down the pot, he takes me in his arms. “Please don’t make me beg. Come over today and officially meet Emma.” Flashing his puppy dog eyes, I am putty in his hands.

  “That is low. Can anyone say no to your eyes?” I snicker and he nods his head in agreement. “But I can’t. Lore is coming today in the hopes we can clear the air.”

  Walking over to the mantel, he crosses his arms as he studies my pictures. When he picks up a three-fold picture frame, I say, “That’s my Rose. She’s a newborn in the first one, the second one is her first day of school, and the last photo is her most recent picture.”

  “She is beautiful.”

  “I know; she has Rafe’s Latino features. Rose is too beautiful; it’s one of my problems, but she is extremely smart and has the potential for a full ride to the University of Washington.” My tone betrays how much pride I take in my daughter. Of course, I am proud of Rose but I am at odds with myself after the hurt both of my children have caused me.

  He picks up the next set of pictures. “This is Kai then? He looks more like you.”

  “Yes, he certainly favors me more but with an olive complexion and his green eyes, he can attract the ladies but is a one kind of gal sort of guy,” I say, almost with a rage only the mom of a boy can know.

  Filling the gap between us, he walks toward me, pulling me close to him. “Are you an only child?” His interest in me is cute.

  “No, I have a younger brother, Lucas, who’s in the military in Special Forces. I am so proud of him but I fucking miss him.”

  “Are you close to your parents?”

  Ah, this subject—I deplore.

  “I am very close to my mother but because of my relationship with my asshole father, my mother and I are at odds right now. It was a source of contention in my marriage for years. Rafe would always say, ‘You can’t make someone change.’ And then he’d get mad at me for meddling. It’s just my nature. It is one of the reasons I’m at odds with my kids. I won’t hold their hands and watch them make mistakes.” I take a deep breath, understanding I am now ranting and raving. “It’s just Rafe thinks he can be their friend, and what they need are parents working together.” I have never shared this much stuff with anyone; it rolls off my tongue so easily.

  “You’ve shared a lot in the last couple of days with me.”

  “I have, you are right. I’m surprised, too. I normally don’t go on and on with others. It’s hard for me to open up, but you’re easy to talk to.”

  “Being the dad of a strong-willed teen is hard; that’s something I know a little about. Don’t know if you could tell by the brief encounter with Emma yesterday, but she was hell on wheels.”

  However, now we are apparently done talking as he leans in to kiss me. Taking both of my hands, he interlaces my fingers with his and we stare at one another. It’s as if he is secretly saying he needs more, right now. Unwinding my fingers from his, I am still close to him, close enough to smell his aftershave which is both mossy and citrusy. It is an odd combination but works for him.

  He then suddenly encases his arms around my waist, pulling the tie of my robe from behind. Looking down at the gap in my robe, he finds I am bare underneath.

  “This is a surprise. How come I didn’t notice this before?” Looking up and down my body, Nick continues, “You are so stunning and I am going to kick myself for growing this sudden conscience.” He takes a stray piece of hair that has covered my eyes and tucks it behind my ear.

  “Justine,” he says with husky sounds, making me hold tighter to him. “Thanks for sharing with me. I know you aren’t one to open up easily.”

  “For some reason, I can with you.”

  “Good,” he says, turning and walking back to his house.

  9

  Justine

  While waiting for Lore, my body is wrought with worry. What if Ryan makes her give me up? Would she? Could she? The idea of losing Lore makes my insides hurt, but my relationship with her husband has always been strained. Since the first argument he and I had, Lore has been stuck in the middle.

  One of the worst fights Ryan and I put Lorelei in the middle of revolved around a weekend trip to his brother’s lake house in Idaho, shortly after Rafe and I divorced. It was just supposed to be the three of us. My mom had Lore’s kids and my devils were with Rafe for the weekend. Upon remembering the scene and how it went down, the anger still quells up inside of me. Because Ryan is a controlling SOB, I shouldn’t have been surprised he invited a friend of his that he kept trying to set me up with.

  When I saw that particular man emerge from the house with Ryan, I looked at Lore.

  “Why the fuck is he here?” I whispered as Lore drew close to me. It was just like Ryan to manipulate this situation.

  “I am so sorry. Ryan thought it would be better if you had someone here this weekend with you.”

  “I have you, a book, and if I get desperate I can go buy a vibrator,” I said. Ryan had to be in control the whole time. Heaven forbid Lore and I had some time to ourselves. This was his way to get rid of me for the weekend.

  The rage that had consumed me was real and before Lore knew it, I was in Ryan’s face. “What the fuck are you trying to pull? I told you years ago, I don’t like him, and you spring him on me?”

  Somehow Ryan thought the next words out of his mouth would settle me down when he said, “Stop being a bitch and get over yourself for once.” Everything else went downhill from there.

  My memory returns to the present when Lore arrives, blinking and biting her lips. I’m relieved she’s as nervous as I am. She lifts up her favorite wine as an icebreaker and hugs me stiffly. We sit at my dining room table.

  “All right, Lore, out with it. What’s going on?”

  “Oh, Justine,” she says, running her hands through her hair. “The bottom line is you and Ryan are toxic together.” Lorelei is not one to go for the jugular right away, but I am not surprised by her harsh words. After twenty years of back and forth with her husband and best friend, I can sense Lore is tired of the drama.

  “Yes, I am aware of this, but he is your husband and I respect your marriage.”

  “Really, Justine? You don’t respect my marriage. It’s all the comments you make.” I am not surprised by her candidness. “Ryan is just as bad, I know. He’s asked me not to hang out with you when he is around. He says you are too disrespectful toward him.”

  I want to justify my actions and explain to Lorelei it is Ryan who is just as disrespectful of their marriage. After seeing the look of despair on my best friend’s face, I finally understand the damage I have done all these years. Though I don’t apologize for who I am, I can recognize when I am wrong. I certainly am in this case. “I’m sorry this has gotten so out of hand and you got stuck in the mid
dle.”

  “I have a strong-willed husband and an uncompromising best friend. I should have seen this was a recipe for disaster early on. For now, I hope wine at your house will be all right. Maybe we can work up to a civil relationship between the two of you,” Lorelei jokes, trying to make light of the situation. I would never willingly hurt Lorelei.

  “So where does that leave us, Lore?” I hate to ask. Losing Lorelei would be as if I was losing a part of me.

  “I’m just going to eliminate Ryan from the equation. You don’t like him, and he doesn’t like you. Why do you both need to be in the same room besides to drive me bat shit crazy?” she jokes.

  “Just you and me?” Ryan never lets Lorelei out of his sight for long.

  “Ryan knows I need some alone time.”

  I normally would have said “wonders never cease” but I catch myself. I finally realize how terrible I feel putting my friend in this situation.

  10

  Nick

  As the game is nearing, I await the arrival of my daughter. It is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact I have been here in this house since Thursday night. Now it is Sunday and I can’t wait to get my hands on Justine.

  My mind drifts to my daughter. Emma is an invariable in my life. She has always been. From the moment of her conception, we never knew what to expect from her. To call her a mistake means I never wanted her and more untrue words have never been spoken before in my life. Instead, I call her the blessing I never knew I needed. Though Annie married Kent six years later, Annie never put Kent as a replacement for me. I think I could have loved Annie as a wife but all our effort went into caring for Emma. For two sixteen-year-olds, it was all we had, and nothing was left for one another at the end of the day.