Unfiltered Read online

  30

  Nick

  Out with all the men on the deck, I find myself in a community of friends that I’ve never had in the past. I am the first to admit that my friendship with Rafe is odd to the outside world, but it is really no different than the relationship I have with Kent. Looking around, I can get used to this network of male friends. I love talking about anything and everything Justine finds interesting, but there is something about having men who enjoy sports and tools and building things. As we sit in Carnegie Deli, I soak it all in. The two brothers and Rafe kindly explain every single one of their inside jokes to me. It isn’t until Ryan excuses himself to check on Lorelei that I miss Justine next to me. However, I am actually having fun with this diverse group.

  This is my now and my forever. Justine makes me feel as if she isn’t just willing to share but that I, too, am now a vital member. Remembering what I bought a couple weeks ago and set aside for safekeeping, I realize I'll be retrieving it sooner than later. When you know, you know, and I certainly know Justine belongs to me.

  31

  Justine

  I wake up at 10:00 a.m. the morning after Lorelei’s party to Nick in what looks to be his workout clothes, sweating. I say in a flippant tone, “What the fuck?” I love surprising him with my speech, even when I joke. “Don’t tell me you went and worked out this morning?”

  “Oh, I was running a bit slower than normal, I assure you,” he says, kissing my forehead, placing my loose hairs behind my ears.

  “I am feeling rough.” I pull him toward me. “Please come back to bed.”

  “For now, I can,” he says, cuddling up with me. I instantly feel his breath on my back. “I have some things I need to get done today,” he continues, getting as close as humanly possible. “That was so much fun last night. Lore really out did herself. It probably cost hundreds of dollars.”

  “We all pitch in with her dinner parties,” I say. “By the way, how much did I drink last night?”

  “I stopped counting after your fifth Manhattan and your third bottle of wine...you would not share with Heidi.”

  “I vaguely remember that.” I say, wincing while remembering the reason I am still in bed.

  “You can hold your own, that’s for sure,” Nick teases.

  As we lay in each other’s arms, we discuss house repairs, a subject I have been avoiding since the water main issue wiped me out financially. Money is now the topic for all remodeling, and I am shocked and fucking scared to hear the cost will be almost one hundred thousand dollars.

  “Nick, I don’t have that kind of money,” I say, calculating in my mind that I can take out a loan since my debt is low.

  Immediately his shoulders tense up, and his eyes look as if a storm has been enraged by my statement. “What do I have to do to prove to you that I am in it for the long haul?” A smile returns to his face as he walks to the closet and grabs something I can’t quite make out. Now, his eyes are the complete polar opposite of what they had been a second ago. I make out the expression on his face, and I instantly see a drop of sweat falling from his brow. My man, the one who can calm a storm by his smile, is nervous.

  I am lost, literally stupid as to what is going on in his mind, until he suddenly descends to one knee and says, “I have had this for a while.” He opens up a small box to show me what is making him act out of the ordinary. “I want to marry you. You are my whole life, and I will forever take care of you. This isn’t about just you and just me separately anymore. We are together.”

  Before Nick can say another word, I drop to my knees in front of him and throw myself at him, molding myself to his body, one that is made just for me. My mind is racing, and my body shakes with anticipation. “Yes, Nick! I will marry you.”

  We immediately start planning for a surprise engagement party for the next week. I only want those that are in my active life to be a part of this night. Mainly, I want to avoid sharing the special announcement with my father. Nothing can ruin this for me, though, not even him. I won’t allow it.

  32

  Nick

  It is the night of our engagement party. Deciding on a short engagement and a small wedding, we only wait a week to share the news with our family because neither of us can contain our excitement. In Justine’s words, “A fanfuckingtastic honeymoon in Tahiti” is what she wants. Believe me, two weeks of her in a bikini all to myself sounds like the best idea ever.

  My nerves are overtaking every fiber of my being. I’m not nervous about this life change. In my mind, I’ve never been so sure of anything before. My worry is always with Justine and how I can convince her she is worth all I do for her. Honestly, she still has not seen my temper surface since the night with the asshole at the restaurant. I fear once it does, she’ll be packing my bags. My insecurity is more than just a total one-eighty in my actions, and I’m not sure how to get her to truly realize the velocity of my number one problem that plagues my life.

  Watching Justine put on a light blue dress that hugs her curves perfectly, I ask, “How have I never seen you wear blue before?”

  “It is my favorite color, but as I have gotten older, I have moved to a more neutral palette. It is something Rose told me that older women do to hide their imperfections. I am not sure why the fuck I’d ever done that because as you know, I don’t have any imperfections.” She turns and smiles at me, and right then, I know she is worth every bit of effort I use to keep my temper at bay.

  “I certainly agree with you, you are great.” I take her in my arms, encircling her tiny waist, inhaling her intoxicating smell. “Maybe the only imperfection is that you yield that f-bomb around like a sailor.” I smile, kissing her cheek.

  “No, that is a talent. Don’t you know?”

  I only smile because it is true. She is perfect, at least for me.

  For the night of our party, Justine somehow talks me into having it catered. “Justine, this goes against everything I believe in.” It is a tough sell to convince me to enjoy the party instead of showcasing my cooking. I am a stubborn man; she is starting to see it. That isn’t a bad thing since I know she is equally hard-headed.

  “Yes, and we have plenty of time for you to display your talent. However, I want all your attention on this night—it is about you and me.” I won’t argue with her, because she is right. This night is too special for anything to become a distraction over her and our future together.

  After she has gotten dressed, before everyone arrives, I ask, “You promise you have a good caterer?”

  “Well, I know Lore has one she uses from time to time, especially now that she’s preparing for her own party planning business.”

  “You talked her into it?”

  “Yes. She has a talent. She needs to use it.”

  “Good for you. I’m glad you’re able to help her.”

  “I’m going with her Wednesday to open up her business account. She also has an appointment with an independent consultant to pick up any clients that this lady can’t take on right now, with the wedding season coming up.”

  I instantly remember our own appointment. “Oh, that reminds me, we have a home loan consultation on Wednesday, too,” I say.

  “I will meet you after I am done with Lore.”

  She only smiles at me as I look at her for a long time. There is no doubt she is my forever.

  33

  Justine

  Rafe and Hildy arrive the same time as Emma and Tyler. It is awkward at first with the introductions. Plus, if I am being honest, it is Emma whose first impression never leaves people with a warm and fuzzy feeling. Emma has had us over for dinner a lot but still has a hard time with the speed our relationship is taking. “Hey, guys,” she says, walking in as she hugs her dad, then gives me an affectionate kiss on the cheek. Looking around at the house, an eclectic coupling of both of our tastes, Emma says, “It looks really nice in here, Justine. I love it.”

  Emma gives very few compliments, and I’m touched by her kind words. I am worried how she
will take the news of the sudden engagement.

  As I greet Heidi and Derrick when they walk in next, I notice Hildy standing next to her sister and take in how much she has started to show. I also can’t miss how Emma looks increasingly uncomfortable by the second. When I try to shift the conversation to Hildy because everyone loves the idea of new babies, I see something raw and vulnerable in Emma’s eyes. “Hils, you are looking beautiful tonight.”

  “I look like a bus! I have gone from looking three months to seven months in one week, but we know the reason now!”

  “Is it preeclampsia again?” With Margarite, Hildy’s preeclampsia was a nightmare. This is another reason I am still surprised Hils would put herself through this again.

  “No, it’s twins!”

  After I pick my jaw off the ground, I continue, “No way, that is so exciting!” I exclaim, excited it isn’t me pregnant, but I embrace her as everyone lets out congratulations in their direction.

  “Says the woman who doesn’t have to push two babies out of her hoo-ha!”

  I am used to pregnant Hildy, the complete polar opposite of the cordial, sweet Hildy. As Hils says these words I notice Emma’s mouth gape open which takes me by surprise because Emma is always very open. Before I can approach Emma to make sure she is all right, Jane enters the room with Kai, and Emma has something else to focus on. It is not lost on any of the party guests that both Jane and Kai’s hair is wet. Coupled with the fact that they were upstairs by themselves, there is a closeness they share that is indicative of something certainly more intimate.

  Finding her way from an awkward conversation about hoo-hahs and babies, Emma lunges toward her little sister, who is now her rescuer. “Let’s go talk, little sis.”

  Lorelei and Ryan walk in kidless next along with Rose and Jones. I sense something is materializing and strengthening in my daughter’s relationship, too. Before I can address Rose concerning the change, Lorelei whispers, “Congrats, don’t think I don’t see that big rock. I am happy for you.”

  Trying to hide my ring along with Lorelei’s hysterics, I turn to Nick and say, “Who are we missing? I am not going to be able to hide this monster ring you gave me for long.”

  “Your mom.”

  This has been something I turned over in my mind several times. “I know what you’re thinking. I don’t think your dad is coming anyway,” Nick says as I look outside the window. Seeing my mom’s car pull in, my heart slows down. If dad were coming, he would be driving the truck.

  However, my mom is not alone when she walks in. In disbelief, my body takes over as I charge toward the person standing next to her. I break through the wall of people to throw my arms around my baby brother. Without knowing, tears gush out of me like a waterfall. My mom and I are always on alert when Lucas is deployed, and he can tell us very little when it comes to what he does and where he goes. He is the best surprise I can ask for.

  I look at Nick, and he only smiles. The fucker knows I hate surprises yet this is one in a million, so I will let my fiancé off with a small joking glare, followed by a cheek blasting smile. Lore has closely followed me, and she attacks Lucas with the same veracity I had.

  “When…how…I mean…”

  “Ah, sis, are you speechless?” He laughs at Nick while they shake hands like they are long-lost friends.

  “I flew in yesterday after this guy tracked me down as I was just getting off a plane,” he says, pointing to my Nick.

  My emotions do a trick on me as everyone watches us. Losing my brother is a real fear that has taken over me in the past couple of years. I know whatever he does in the Navy is dangerous but I am also so proud of him.

  “Let me take you in,” I say. Ten years younger than me, I see how his arms and shoulders have really bulked up in the past year. As I finally let others greet him, I hold onto my mom, both of us happy beyond words.

  Lorelei disappears in order to find the wine to fill everyone’s glass as Nick finally speaks. “It shouldn’t surprise you that I love this woman beside me with all I have.” Everyone snickers as he continues. “You are all very important to us. Four months ago, my life was forever changed when I walked up on the porch of this house and introduced myself to this beautiful person. I fell for her right then as I poured whisky into her coffee.”

  Everyone laughs as someone yells, “Alcohol has always been the way to Justine’s heart.”

  Nick smiles, and I can see him remembering that day vividly in his head while he continues. “I knew she was the one and when fate intervened and her water main broke, I was able to get to know her better. Besides the birth of my sweet daughter Emma, I have never been happier. Justine does this for me and therefore has agreed to make me the happiest man on this planet by becoming my wife.”

  Clapping and laughter erupts amongst everyone. Each person makes their way up to congratulate us as I keep Lucas close to me. I still can’t believe Nick worked this out to have him here with us for our special day. I have no idea how long I get to see my baby brother, but knowing his job, it won’t be very long.

  As everyone expresses their joy and my mom steals Luke from me, I notice two people are missing. Emma is rocking on the porch with Tyler, who holds her tight, stroking her hair. Nick is walking to the front door as I wave him off. “Let me, if you don’t mind.” Kissing me, he nods in agreement then strolls toward the kitchen with the rest of the guests.

  Stepping on the porch, I say, “Ty, do you mind giving us a couple of minutes?”

  He affectionately kisses his wife, gives me a loving squeeze, and then leaves us alone.

  “Hey, do you mind?” I ask, motioning to the seat next to her.

  Emma says with a weak smile, “No, not at all.”

  “If you don’t mind me saying, I thought we had a connection and that you were starting to warm to the idea of your dad and I being together.”

  My heart breaks as she starts crying. “No, that’s not it, and I’m sorry for acting this way on your special night. I had a feeling this engagement was coming soon. You two are made for each other.”

  “Well thank you, sweetie. Then if you don’t mind me asking, what is wrong?”

  “I can’t talk about it.” She isn’t even looking at me. Now I am scared.

  “You have me worried. Are you healthy?”

  “Yes, it’s just that, well...” Crying again, she starts speaking between sobs. “Ty and I have been trying to get pregnant for some time, even before we were married. We just got the results back from the doctors. I have a ten percent chance of carrying a kid inside of me to term, even with help. It is not the news we were wanting.”

  I turn to full mother mode, grabbing Emma’s hand affectionately as she continues. “Then to hear your friend complaining about having two babies inside of her; it was just not something I was prepared for.”

  “Emma, I am so sorry.” What more can I say because I really do adore this girl.

  “I know you are. I will share this with Dad. It’s not fair to put you in the middle, but I didn’t want you to think I’m unhappy for you two.” Standing, she turns to me briefly, “Thanks for taking care of my dad.”

  Walking in together, I instantly see the furrowed brows of Nick along with his stance, sensing he is upset or even angry. “Honey, you okay?”

  It strikes me that something has happened in the short amount of time I have been gone. “Um, don’t worry, we will talk about it later. How did it go with Ems?”

  “Emma will talk to you, just not now. She is upset about something but it has nothing to do with the engagement. I know it is your dad instinct to go over and shake it out of her. Please don’t. She will tell you when she is ready.”

  “Okay, sweetie.” Pulling me into a hug, I know Emma’s news will hurt him. However, as he has said, this is the two of us together now. I will be here for him as he will be for me.

  We play games and drink until most everyone leaves around 11:00 p.m. Emma waits to talk to Nick alone. Seeing them on the porch as Tyler and
Emma reveal her possibility of getting pregnant is slim to none, his face contorts into a slew of emotions I have yet to see from the man I love. He holds onto Emma as her hurts pours from her body. This is my man and I hurt for him

  Walking in with a scowl, he presses his lips together and is standing stiff with crossed arms. I understand quickly he is not sad or worried about Emma, he is pissed off; anger I have never seen in him escapes from every crevice. “You made it sound like it wasn’t a big deal,” he states accusingly.

  “Whoa there, buddy. She didn’t want to tell you and ruin the party. I was abiding by her wishes. Plus, I never said it wasn’t serious. I only told you she would come to you eventually.”

  “You should have told me right away.” His voice gets louder with each word he speaks.

  Now I see his anger is directed toward me. “You are mad at me? Really? I was trying to comfort your daughter. I did what she asked. Like I said earlier, she didn’t want to ruin the party.”

  “You didn’t want to ruin your party,” he says judgmentally.

  “Now, that is not fair,” I respond, almost scared by his reaction while my skin crawls and my body begins to shake.

  “And if the tables were turned?” he asks.

  “I would expect you to respect my kids’ wishes. I wasn’t keeping this from you, honey. I was going to tell you if she didn’t. Do you think Emma wants people to see her like she was with you? Emma is too proud for that.”

  “You don’t need to tell me this as if I don’t know my only child. I should have been there to comfort her all night.”

  “Nick,” I say with force in my voice, “I was following her wishes. Don’t be mad at me. I understand this is a blow, but really, I am not the one to blame; no one is. Emma is tough. They will get through this.”