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“No.”
I’m above her bed at this point. “Rose, I can see tears on your face. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s not you, I’m just an emotional mess and this is not me. I’m not this moody person that needs constant interaction and praise. This life inside of me has completely invaded my thoughts and has me acting like a crazy woman.” She looks at me with a sweet smile, “That must be your genes in our baby.”
I scoot in next to her as I start, “Listen, Toots, it’s all right to need those things. You aren’t yourself right now. I don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize our relationship in the future.”
“I feel like crying for no good reason.”
Now crawling into bed beside her, I bring her close, intoxicatingly close. Whispering into her neck, feeling her body come to attention, I say, “Then cry. It’s all right.” I’m honored as she molds to me for twenty minutes as she does just that, crying into my shoulder as I hold onto her tight.
Pulling herself up, she looks at my eyes with the aid of the hallway light. “All right, thanks. I know you want to sleep in the guest room tonight, I’m fine now.”
Like hell I’m going to let her go. “I’m not going anywhere right now, Toots. I will be next to you all night.”
13
Rose
I literally run into him as I’m coming out of the hallway bathroom. “I was wondering where you went. Why are you up? Don’t you have a bathroom in there?” He’s pointing to my master bathroom.
“I do, but there is a leak I haven’t had fixed yet. I’m going to lay down on the couch, anyway.” I stretch, turning toward the stairs.
“No, you aren’t, get your butt back in bed, Toots.” Gently pulling me back to him, he leads me to bed. With only lounge pants and no shirt, I could stare at his toned abs all day. “Please tell me you have coffee?” Nodding my head, he has a grin on his face. “I will head downstairs and get some coffee going. If I remember right, you drink it with way too much cream and no sugar.”
“Yes, that is a good memory.” I giggle because he has me figured out.
Winking at me, he smirks, “All of those memories of us together that night is good.” That’s not what I meant but I agree. That night has lived with me for seven weeks now. He continues, “I have some errands to run today. I coordinated with your mom and she’ll be over here later this morning and I’ll be back around dinner. I assume you would like me to stay tonight, too?”
I do. Lord, do I ever. It was wonderful waking up surrounded by his strong arms. “Brody, is this crazy?” I ask, because I want him but I don’t think it is fair to give up on Jones either.
“You will have to be a bit more specific, there is so much crazy going on up in here, you will need to pinpoint it,” he says, laughing.
“I have more than an attraction for you, well beyond anything I thought I could ever have.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, now sitting down. Apparently, coffee will have to wait.
Pulling the covers over me, he waits for an answer. “When Kai met Jane, it was instantaneous. They are super physical with one another and I mean, not just behind closed doors but that, too. They are always near one another. And good Lord, if they are in the same room together, they are always touching. It’s sweet, I just didn’t think I was wired like that but I only had one boyfriend, maybe it was the two of us together. But with you—when you just told me you were going to be gone the whole day, I felt the way I perceive Jane feeling when Kai is not near her.”
“And this is how you see us, we are wired differently? In the way you described your brother?” He clarifies.
“Well, when you say it like that it sounds a little creepy,” I say at first, teasing him. “But yes, it is still early but I want you close to me. It may be the hormones, I’m not sure.”
“We have time to delve into those feelings but I appreciate you explaining this to me, it makes me understand your need for closeness.” He doesn’t break contact as he says these words, watching me intently.
“But it is closeness with you I need,” I clarify.
“I get that, same here. I can wait to do my errands tomorrow, I just thought I should get myself moved into my buddy’s house, it won’t take me long,” he says, trying to appease me.
“No, it’s fine, I guess what I’m trying to say to your question, which you probably forgot, was yes, you can stay here tonight.”
Smiling at me, he says, “Oh, I’m glad we have that covered, Toots. Let me get you some food. Your mom brought you some groceries yesterday along with Captain Crunch. I’m assuming that is your favorite cereal?”
Revealing a juvenile smile, I say, “Yes. I would love a bowl, thanks.” He leans down to kiss me on the forehead, as is his custom to do now just after a little more than a week. “I like when you do that.”
“Me, too.”
14
Brody
I peek in on Rose and see she’s asleep. Cracking the door, I walk into the guest room and plop down at the desk to balance my checking account. All my toys and trips I had planned for myself this year are now out the window. I want to be disappointed but I can’t because Rose is better than anything I could ask for. However, I have to remember she’s not mine yet. I feel a connection with her and when she admitted earlier that she never felt like that with Jones, I internally jumped for joy.
However, when I look at my savings account, this is one area of my life I’m not happy with. I originally told my buddy, Trent, I would only need his room for a month but I won’t do anything I had planned now, trying to save money for the baby. Thankfully, Trent needs the money and I could stay longer if need be.
I was shocked when I looked up the average cost of a baby the first year of life, including all the gear it needs. I didn’t share this with Rose but I found a calculator that adds up everything from baby gear to formula and child care. At a moderate dollar rate, it averaged almost fifteen thousand dollars. That doesn’t even include the car that Rose put me on notice about.
If I sock away almost forty percent of my salary, I can save twenty thousand dollars before the baby comes. I want to kick myself for accepting student loans and borrowing money to buy Jessica a ring along with the expensive trips I took her on. Looking back on it, I know my mom has always been right about that girl. She was trouble from the very beginning.
I look at the clock and expect Rose’s mom anytime. As I’m waiting on Justine, I hear my phone ring and smile when I see the picture on my screen. “Hello, Mom.” I never called her about the baby and am shocked she waited this long.
“I wanted to check on Rose, she was so sick on Sunday and she told me she was heading to the doctor. Is everything all right?”
“Mom, I know you know.”
“Well, of course I know, you bonehead. I was hoping you would tell me.”
“Mom, this is just a really difficult situation and all. I didn’t know how you would react. You need to know that just because Rose is having my baby, it doesn’t mean we will end up together,” I say, shutting the door to the guest room. I don’t want to wake Rose.
“I understand that but I’m hopeful. I’m in love with her. And I can see it in your eyes that you are, too. By the way; Brody Andrew, do you think I’m stupid? I know what a pregnant woman looks like.”
“Sorry, Mom, I didn’t mean you any disrespect,” I assure her.
“So, the baby, is he or she, all right?”
The idea of sharing this with my mom makes me understand how real this is. My heart races thinking of my baby. “We got to see the baby on the ultrasound yesterday. The heart was beating. It was beautiful.” I know more questions are coming and I try to cut her off. “Mom, we are working through it, I just made a plan financially to stock away some money. I’m going to wait to get a place…”
But before I can finish that, she says, “You’re staying with Rose?”
“No, I’m staying with Trent, my friend from school. I will move out right before the baby
comes and get my own place. Rose is on bed rest this week, so I’m staying in her guest room to watch out for her and put her in her place if she does too much. But Mom, don’t worry, you’re going to know your grandchild.”
“Is it too soon for names?”
“Yes, Mom, it is.” Although, we know the girl’s name and Rose, my overly-prepared girl, has picked a boy’s name, I’m not quite ready to share it yet.
“Son, keep me up to date with her.”
“I will, Mom, love you.” I’m sure this will be a recurring phone call over the next several months.
No sooner do I hang up the phone, I hear a knock on the door. Running downstairs instantly, I open it to see a woman that will become a vital part of my life. I’m not sure what she thinks of me yet. Somehow, I think I won her over with making Rose rest but I’m sure I will always know where I stand with her. “Hey, Justine. Rose is asleep upstairs. I’ve had to watch her, she keeps getting out of bed.”
“Thanks for the warning. I was wondering before you leave if we could have a cup of coffee together.”
I’m not in a rush but I’m not sure what this cup of coffee might entail and although she was civil yesterday, she scares the hell out of me.
“Sure, Justine, should I be worried?” I ask as she walks in past me.
“I just would like to get to know the father of my grandbaby. You know, even after Rafe and I divorced, I was and still am very much involved in the activities of his parents. The pure fact I’m the mother of their grandchildren has bonded us for life. Plus, they love me but quite honestly, what isn’t there to fucking love?” she asks with a snicker.
“Can I be honest with you?” I ask. Nodding her head, I continue, “You’re a little intimidating.” She’s not very tall and has a small frame but those are the spitfires to watch out for.
We sit down with our coffee and she starts to chuckle. “I want to be honest with you. I know right now everything seems like ribbons and bows. It is perfect. You’re still working with the idea of being a parent and you will never be ready for the emotions that overtake you when you hold your baby for the first time. All of it will be new to you. And let me tell you, the worry never goes away. You will worry the first time you drop her or him off at daycare, sleepovers, their first date. It goes on and on. I have two very successful and happy kids. I have a wonderful stepdaughter whom I adore. I worry about those three, all the time. It doesn’t stop and it is hard.”
“Do you think I’m going to just up and leave when it gets difficult?” I ask cautiously, worrying about her answer.
“I don’t think you will willingly do that to her or your child. That is if you get what you want, and I know that’s Rose. I understand you aren’t pressuring her and I appreciate it. Knowing my daughter, she’s probably not making it easy on you. But what if she decides you and her aren’t going to happen? Can you watch her happy with another guy, another guy that is going to help raise your child?”
“She’s confused, Justine. I’m trying to keep my distance.” I pause as she only smiles at me. “The baby comes first,” I add.
“I appreciate you being a man about this. She’s confused and you just earned some respect from me, which is hard to come by,” she says, with a small smirk. “It is admirable until real life hits, I can see you falling in love with my daughter. I want you just to remember your commitment to that baby, first and foremost.”
Her words start to form in my heart, as I fully understand how I may unwillingly allow my feelings for Rose to seep into wounds that could hurt our baby. “I appreciate your concern.” I really do because if I’m being honest, it’s my concern, too, but now that Justine verbalized it, it makes it that much more real. The truth is I want Rose so much I can almost imagine us raising a family together.
“You seem like a great guy, Brody. And I’m excited about this baby, I really am. And you now are a part of our very dysfunctional family so I welcome you to it.”
I’m a little confused by Justine’s words; not sure what this means. “Thanks, Justine, I think.”
15
Justine
As soon as Brody leaves, I hear Rose stirring.
“Brody?” she calls.
I’m heading up the stairwell and reply, “No, honey, it’s Mom.”
“Mom, what time is it? I must have crashed.”
“It is hard growing a baby inside of you, isn’t it? I remember those days, sweetie,” I say when I crawl into bed with my daughter, just like Rose would every Saturday morning I didn’t have to work, talking about the week she had.
“Brody left?”
“Yes, he had some errands to run. He said he was bringing dinner back when I told him I would cook. My kitchen skills must precede me.”
“Yes, that is true.” Rose laughs then looks at me intently, “Mom, I see you have something to say—so just say it.”
I take in a deep breath and let it out. Wanting to be careful with my daughter’s heart; this is something she needs to hear. “Honey, you know that boy is falling in love with you. I have no doubt he wants to be a good dad to his baby but what happens if you don’t choose him?”
She sits up in bed against the backboard looking at me directly. “Mom, I thought I loved Jones, I mean, I do love Jones. But when I look at you and Nick or Jane and Kai, I never got that passion that I see in your eyes when Nick walks in the room. I just thought I was wired to love differently. I do love Jones, but when Brody walks in the door, I feel it.”
“Your hormones are all over the place, honey, can you trust your feelings now?”
“No, this is some sort of deep passion between us. One I never felt with Jones.”
“Have you heard from Jones?”
“I emailed him this morning. I was honest with him, that I have feelings for the father of this baby and with his void in my life, I’m depending on Brody. I’m not mad at him and the email was not sent with malice, either. He has to know the facts.”
“It’s a lot to put on him.” The simple fact of the matter is I love Jones. He has been rooted in my heart since shortly after I met Nick. Treating Rose like a princess, he’s our family. If I lost Jones, I would be devastated, yet that is not the reason Rose should marry him. I want her happy, truly happy, and it tugs at my heart when I see her light up at the sound of Brody’s name. I have never seen her do that with Jones. “How do you feel at the prospect of not having him in your life?”
“I’m devastated at that thought. I love Jones, I do.”
I know this is an internal battle my girl has to fight on her own and for that reason, I change the subject. “Brody said you’re making it hard on him?”
A small smile forms on the edges of her mouth. “That is true. I really feel that connection and good Lord, Mom, he’s freaking hot.”
“Yes, there is no denying he’s a handsome man, plus you’re probably a bit of a sex fiend right now. I know I was.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Rose says and I only smile at her sarcastic tone.
I warn, “Tread lightly, you don’t want to hurt this boy where the thought of seeing you gets in the way of his relationship with his baby, which believe me, you want that for your child. Your dad and I may have had our issues, but he was a good father and important to the person you turned out to be. Who else could have made you as conservative as you are? Certainly not me.”
“Speaking of Dad, how did he take the news?”
“He was really surprised. Hills was over the moon.” I decide to keep the disappointed that was in Rafe’s eyes from her.
“I know she’s coming over tomorrow, she said she can’t wait,” Rose says.
“Your dad will be happy, just give him a few days.”
“I know he will because we are too much alike.” Rose smiles. “It’s a good thing that you like Dad still, since I’m his doppelganger.”
“Yes, honey, you remind me so much of your father. Now, I can’t mess up a grilled cheese sandwich, ready for lunch?”
“Yes, I’m,
” Rose says. “I’m coming downstairs.”
“No, I’m under strict orders to keep you in bed, and I don’t want to get on Brody’s bad side. He’s a bit scared of me and I would like to keep it that way,” I add, walking downstairs to the kitchen.
16
Rose
I can’t stand the four walls closing in on me. The paint color feels stale, as if I have been surrounded by this color for the last decade of my life, especially when I have stared at this awful color, which I one time loved, and binge watched every show on television. “I sure hope I get off of bed rest tomorrow. I can’t stand it anymore.” After almost a week in this room, I’m done.
“I know and you have been a good sport, Toots,” Brody says in the sweet tone I have only ever heard him use on me.
Brody is keeping me company after six long days. The only upside is I secretly like him near me in my bed. Every time he says Toots, the name only he calls me, it causes a sensation within me to erupt as if I’m having an orgasm.
He looks at my dinner on the side of my bed. “You need to eat more.”
I laugh at him at his insistence in making sure I’m fed always. “Brody, you for some reason, think I need to eat as much as you. If you keep on feeding me like this, I will be fat! I don’t need to double my intake of food because I’m pregnant,” I say as he tosses a pillow at me, sticking out his tongue. “By the way, have you been by your house at all?”
“I’ve been by there a couple of times, I’ll go back tomorrow if you get off of bed rest.”
“Oh, all right.” My reaction is both disappointment at seeing him leave and anxiety that everything will change once he does.
“Why do you ask?”
“Oh, I’m going to miss you.”
“Well, Toots, you aren’t getting rid of me, I will be over here so much checking in on you and spending as much time with you as you will allow.”