Unacquainted Page 13

  “I didn’t know when you were coming over, I hadn’t heard from you after this afternoon,” I say with little emotion in my voice. If I show too much, he will see guilt on my face.

  “I didn’t want to be ignored,” he says coldly.

  “Brody, I was not ignoring you.” I unlock the door. “Thank you for getting dinner.” I say, trying to change the subject.

  I walk straight up the stairs but instead of taking the pizza to the kitchen, he puts the pizza on the table that sits near the door. He follows me right up the stairs, not letting me out of his sight.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “I'm always up here with you. I need to understand what's going on.”

  “Just give me a second,” I say as I walk into the room, trying to shut the door behind me.

  He certainly isn’t going to take no for an answer and marches into my room. He literally holds himself up on the door frame when he sees the mess of the bed. He doesn’t say anything but looks at the bed and then at me. My eyes answer the questions he has. He knows me well enough to know that I sleep in one small area and don’t move at all.

  By the look in his eyes, he doesn’t have to say anything. He turns around without a word to me. “Brody, wait.”

  He stops and turns around with hurt washing over his face. “I'll be downstairs, waiting to talk.”

  Giving him five minutes, I join him downstairs and see he has helped himself to a beer I keep in my house specifically for him.

  I reach my hand for his and he pulls away quickly. I feel a tear on my cheek as I say, “Brody, I didn’t want you to find out like this.”

  “I asked you point blank if you had made a decision, and you weren’t honest with me.”

  “I was honest with you, I haven’t made up my mind,” I say.

  “You sleep with Jones and you want to continue with us? Really, Rose, do you know how deranged that sounds, even in this already fucked-up situation?”

  “I have wanted to be with you for a while now, you know that, so don’t take this as me not wanting you.”

  “So, you couldn’t sleep with me because I was trying to be a decent guy. Who is the consolation prize, I wonder? Is it Jones for sleeping with you or is it me, because now you know the difference between him and a real man?” he says coldly.

  “This is fucked up, yes, I don’t know how to deal with this. I love you, you know that, and I love Jones, you know that as well. I can’t let go—of either one. But for Jones, he’s familiar. But it wasn’t because I couldn’t keep my legs shut. And don’t you ever fucking talk to me like that again.”

  “I can’t be with you if you’re sleeping with Jones. I thought we had a code, an understanding. I didn’t know he was going to try your emotions so quickly.”

  “It wasn’t like that, I wanted to be with him. I needed to see if we still connected,” I say but look at him to say more, “But I’m not ready to call it quits for us, either.”

  “Are you going to sleep with him every time you’re with him? I can’t continue like this if that's the case,” Brody says.

  “Are you giving me an ultimatum?” I demand.

  “No, not at all, I'm just telling you how it's going to be. This is why I couldn’t stand to let you close to my mom until I knew more. My family is so important to me, I'm not going to let them get shit on.”

  “Brody, that's not fair.”

  “None of this is fucking fair,” he says as he grabs his keys, walking toward the front door.

  “Brody?” I call after him. He’s gone. But he has left the pizza.

  I call Jones later in the night to tell him that sleeping with him is not fair to him or Brody. I try Brody several times and the calls go to voicemail. As I spend the next week thinking about what I need in my life, I block out the entire world. My time is centered around what is best for this baby and me. After four days, I still haven’t heard back from Brody.

  I received a phone call from Ruth on Friday since we had planned to visit this weekend but I didn’t have the heart to tell her I fucked up big time. I chickened out and texted Brody and that was the only time he returned my text.

  Brody: I will take care of it.

  By Friday, Jones shows up unexpectedly to take me for lunch. Enjoying our favorite bar, Fast Eddies, and this little stroll down memory lane, I still can’t shake this feeling that we are forcing our relationship. He’s the same. He hasn’t changed but I sure as hell have.

  It's Monday of the next week, exactly a week since I have seen my precious Brody. My mom stops by since I have dropped off her radar.

  “I'm excited to see more of my grandbaby sticking out down there,” my mom says. “It has been a record for us, honey. What have you been up to? And do tell all that is going on with you and Jones and you and Brody.”

  Without a filter or a hello to my mom, I quickly say, “I slept with Jones, Mom. It was so familiar and it felt right, until the next day when I saw Brody and felt ashamed. I can’t get him out of my mind. And that should tell me something, but then I can’t just tell Jones I'm moving on. We have too much history.” In the midst of my confession, I start crying.

  My mom takes me in her arms like she did when I was small enough to fit on her lap. “Oh, my sweet girl, you can’t hold onto something because it's safe. I would still be with your father and quite honestly, aren’t you glad we aren’t together? I mean, being a child of divorce wasn’t pleasant, I understand that, but you were old enough to remember what your dad and I did to one another. Not my finest hour as a human. I was cruel to him.”

  “I know, but Mom, I do love Jones.”

  “Let me ask you then. When the baby starts moving, who will you call first, Brody or Jones? Let’s just say it happens now, who would you call?”

  “Brody, he’s the father.”

  “Wrong answer,” Justine says.

  “How?” I ask.

  “If you’re sharing your life with someone, yes, the father is important, I’m not downplaying that. For instance, I didn’t go straight to Rafe when I found out about your pregnancy. My life is with Nick; I shared my excitement with him. Yes, I spoke with Rafe as the father of my child but Nick is my one and only. I want to share my excitement with him. Okay, right now, this minute, without thinking about it too much, name one big thing in your day that happened, professionally or personally.”

  “Lila sent me the sweetest stuffed animal for the baby and a t-shirt that said: Boy or Girl, I’m a fashion diva.”

  My mom smiles at the idea. “Oh, that is funny and so Lila. Now, who do you want to tell about it, for you?”

  “Brody.”

  “Who do you hope texts you when you hear a message come through?”

  “Brody.”

  “Who are you more physically attracted to?”

  “Brody.”

  “When you wake up hot and bothered, and I know you do because you have those pregnancy sex hormones, where you’re just plain horny. Anyway, who do you want next to you?”

  “Brody.”

  “If given one person to coach you through labor and to give you moral support, who do you want next to you in the delivery room?”

  “Brody.”

  “Where do you see yourself in ten years?”

  “With Brody.”

  “So, why are you putting both these men and yourself through this, honey? You will probably always love Jones. I love your father. I do, not the way I did, but there will always be something there, even if I didn’t have you and Kai. Nick is okay with this but I fucking love Nick with an energy I have never had before. Really, truly and honestly. Sorry for the F word, I just get excited.”

  I laugh, swinging an arm over my mom. “Or when you just talk.”

  My mom playfully smacks my arm lightly and continues, “Funny, Rose. My point being is it is all right to shut the door and be scared about the future. Look at what happened to Nick and me. It took a while to find our way back after Lorelei died and I shut down on him and he lef
t. But I don’t regret that, that is our history. You and Brody will make a history of your own. Starting with this little guy or gal. And let’s say you try this and it doesn’t work out, it still doesn’t make your decision wrong. That's if you decide Brody is the right guy for you.”

  “I told Jones I would give him time.”

  “Rose Lorelei Hernandez, I love that you’re loyal, but it's to a fault. You have known Brody for over three months now. I know you think that is quick but when you know, you know.”

  “Mom, I’m just scared. It's not just me anymore, I have someone else to think about.” Mom comes to me and we sit together as I cry in her arms like I did when stupid Felicia Edwards bullied me. She holds me for a long time as I get out all of my tears.

  As I pull back from her embrace, she takes my chin in her hands and says, “You take care of yourself and do what is right by you and it will fall into place. You can’t be with someone who you think will be the logical choice based on history and loyalty.”

  I hug her tightly and turn to grab my purse and keys. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “I'll walk out with you, honey.”

  I ring the doorbell in hopes that Jones will answer the door. No luck. “Hi, Ms. Wagoner. I see Jones is home, can I come in?”

  I’m dreading this talk. Saying goodbye to the man I saw myself growing old with brings me to my knees. He was my past, my history, what made me who I’m today. I do not do this without regret but I know this is the right thing for him and me. However, if I lost Brody, I would feel like my whole life was ending.

  Lisa Wagoner looks at me and says, “Even if he ends up with you, that will never be my grandchild.”

  I turn around and don’t even think about what I’m about to say. “Fuck you, Ms. Wagoner. Actually, why don’t you just go fuck yourself, you bitch.” Before she can say anything, I walk into Jones’ room and lock the door behind me. “You have got to find a place to live.” His relationship with his parents has always been strained since his grandparents left their entire estate to Jones upon their death, and it was not just a pretty penny, but several million of them. He turns with a smile when he sees me.

  “Did I just hear you tell my mom…”

  “Yes, that was me,” I say, flustered.

  After I tell him what his mom has said, his temper sparks but I grab his hand. I can’t lose my nerve. “I need to talk to you, Jones.”

  “This can’t be good.” His face falls into his hands. Whenever I’m nervous, my hands twitch.

  We are always in sync and it doesn’t seem to surprise him when I say, “I have always loved you and I know I told you I would try, but I feel it is in vain. It's not fair for any of us. I can’t hold it in any longer; I have feelings for Brody, ones that don’t directly involve the fact that I’m carrying his baby. I can’t explain it and it’s not fair to you to act as if those are going away anytime soon.”

  “Rose, I’m sorry for hurting you.” He turns his head away from me.

  “No, I’m sorry and it's not fair, but you deserve to be happy. You were going to give up your dream of being a doctor to start a life with me. That is not fair to ask you to give it up when I’m not fully invested. Go to med school, start your life and please get away from your crazy ass parents. And look me up in a year; I would love to see you. I mean it, Jones, I’ll always care for you.”

  He kisses me gently on the forehead. “Take care of yourself, Rose, and be happy. That is all I ever want for you.”

  He walks me to the door to ward off the nasty comments from his mom. I slide into my car and cry. Saying goodbye to this chapter is not easy, especially since it means parting ways with my one of my best friends. This part is harder than I ever thought it could be.

  I take a while to grieve the end of my relationship with Jones. After an hour, I decide it's time to face Brody and ask for forgiveness. I want to think we weren’t technically together and in this way, I didn’t cheat on him yet, but it really isn’t that simple, is it?

  25

  Rose

  When I knock on the door, Marah answers again. “You should charge for butler service, Marah,” I say.

  “I know I should, a bunch of lazy ass men, I tell you.”

  Trent is in the background saying, “I’m just resting up for tonight, woman, to show you a good time.”

  She laughs as Rose walks in. “In your dreams, lover boy.” Marah then turns to me, “I'm glad you’re here. I mean, I don’t know what is going on with you and Buck but he has been inconsolable.”

  “Let me see if I can fix this with us,” I say as Marah gives me a good luck smile. Hearing Metallica play from his room, I don’t knock, I just walk in. He’s in bed already and he sounds groggy when his eyes focus in on me. I turn down his music before he says anything.

  “Rose, can we work on your manners? I'm tired. I asked for space and all those stupid texts about the baby are just pathetic.” It’s true, I have stooped that low, using our baby to reach out to him.

  I deserve this treatment but his words still sting. He’s hurt, no, he has been gutted.

  I don’t say a word and Brody continues, “Rose, I'm really tired, can we talk about this Friday night?”

  “Okay, I guess you don’t want to hear the good news,” I say with a large smile on my face as I bounce up and down on his bed, excited like a kid on Christmas morning.

  “I haven’t talked to you in over a week, Rose. And you come over here and act as if you didn’t devastate me,” he says with a long sigh. “And now you have good news to share with me?”

  “I do have good news.” I smile, hoping this will be one way to wiggle myself back into his hardened heart. “I have a better idea, why don’t you come over to my house for a while?”

  “Rose, what is up with you tonight? I’m so hurt; do you not understand that? All you‘re doing is acting like a kid in a candy store. How can you take this so lighthearted?”

  “Dammit, Brody, you’re ruining my surprise,” I say, smiling at him. When he doesn’t smile back, I say, “Look, I know I have hurt you in the worst way. But I really have something I need to share with you. And please know, I'm not trying to make light of this situation.”

  He looks me up and down and says with a stern smile developing on his mouth, “Rose, I want to be so fucking mad at you, but you’re just too damn cute right now.” He sits up and turns to me. “Do you know how much you physically hurt me?”

  Grabbing his warm hand, I realize how much I have missed his touch. “I know. I was wrong. It was more than wrong, but I need your forgiveness.”

  “Was it just one time?” he asks.

  “Yes.”

  He takes his hands and tilts my head toward his. “We weren’t together technically, but I thought we had an understanding.” He’s wonderful, now trying to make me feel better after I gutted him like a fish after it's caught.

  “We did have an understanding and in the words of Justine Wallace, I fucked up.”

  We both laugh until he says, “Where does this leave us?”

  I give him a flirtatious smile and say, “Well, I was hoping you would come home with me tonight and we could find out.”

  “Rose, that's not funny. I told you…”

  “Not until I made a choice.”

  “Don’t fuck with me, Rose.” Raising his head, the heat in his eyes tell me he can’t take me yanking him around anymore. The hurt I placed in those wonderful sparkling eyes of his, tell me I really am a lowlife bitch.

  I kneel in front of him, which really is a bad idea for a pregnant woman. “I'm not. I want to be with you, exclusively. I want to see if we can work, just you and me. I was clinging to something safe. You and I aren’t the logical choice, but I can’t imagine not having you in my life.”

  “So, what now?” he asks. He pulls me close to him, as I get lost in his eyes.

  “First, I need to ask for your forgiveness.”

  “Rose, you hurt me. I need you to know how badly you did.” I nod my head. “But
I want to forgive you. I almost understand why this happened, but I have to be able to trust you.”

  “I know. And you can. I have already told…” I don’t want to say Jones’ name aloud because it will hurt Brody.

  “You told Jones?” Nodding yes, he continues, “I don’t have a choice but to forgive you, Toots. After a week of you absent in my life, I’m lost. I need you like I need water.”

  I'm humbled and like I have been doing too much lately, I begin to cry. “Brody, I feel the same way.”

  He tips my head back, “I love you, Toots.”

  “I love you, too, Buck,” I joke. Then I become serious. “I was hoping you would spend the night with me. I have no roommates and a king-sized bed. So, what do you think?”

  He grabs his duffel bag, throws in a change of clean clothes along with work clothes for tomorrow and a toothbrush. “Wow, that took a minute, literally,” I say pulling me close with a kiss.

  We dash out of the apartment so quickly and run to my car. He takes the keys and drives us to my house. “Well, one thing I guess we don’t have to worry about is getting you pregnant.”

  “No, I would say we are safe.” I can’t keep my hands off him. “I hope you know I have no regrets.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  “Very.”

  Pulling into the parking spot, he says, “Listen, I have a stupid question and it will probably put a kink into our moods but…”

  As if I can read his mind, I say, “We were careful.” He only looks away when I pull him back, “Brody, are you sure?”

  He takes my hand and pulls me close as he says the words that make him the world’s most wonderful man. “From now on, we don’t need to bring this up. I forgive you and I know you’re sorry. From this point, it's over and we are past it, understand?”

  I pull him into my arms and we barely escape from my car. “I do understand.” We continue to paw at one another until I back away, “We better go inside.”